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Poetry
New Year
By Steve_K
02 January 2008

It hit me like a white horsed wave

This feeling

Hoofed into the ground

That was the first moment  

The first meeting


After drinking myself into talking

We laughed and giggled standing at the bar

At nothing in particular

I hadn’t experienced this before 

This night


We caressed and kissed on the couch

At 4am having drank all the wine

We moved onto rum

The taste in your mouth 

Powerful


That feeling of pain dissolved

As I held you tight as I’ve ever held

She whispered..."not in Japan"

It did not work that way

She opened out the couch and laid down


I have been thinking all day

My mind consumed by her image

She ten years older

I am in love

Probably for the first time


Reviews

Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 2nd January 2008
Very evocative. 
If this is new, immediate, cling onto it. The five stanzas, so carefully constucted, are the score of a musical work. 
There are words to be re-considered - for instance "told" seems to jar; only in the context; she 'whispered', perhaps, followed by a dash, to give the reader a moment. Punctuation is all; and this is unpunctuated, absolutely intentionally. But in that one stanza it needs the most delicate consideration, for this was a moment of utmost importance between you. 
Think about it. 
It is almost the most perfect love poem. 
PTV
Thanks
Written by Steve_K (55 comments posted) 2nd January 2008
You're 100% correct pete, thanks a lot for that. I think that "told" did indeed jar it up a bit.

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