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By Amelia
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03 January 2008 |
Strangers have a strong effect on me. Especially strangers with nice eyes.
I never asked your name.
I should have,
or maybe started a conversation,
but I didn't think of it.
I was too absorbed by your eyes,
which were the exact color
of the instant of jumping into water
that is colder than expected.
And I was looking at ten thousand images of you,
Repeated to infinity
in the mirrored walls of the elevator
and in that smoky silence
I offered you a smile
and you offered me
nothing,
to infinity.
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Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 | Hi, Just so very evocative; a scene from a film noire! No critique, I'm afraid - can't find a word wrong in it! PTV Altough a linespace after 'and you offered me' might be neat. And another thereafter? | Damned image !! Written by patterjack (1429 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 | Interesting capture of a moment . And the following is a neat piece of synaesthesia -- almost metaphysical which were the exact color of the instant of jumping into water that is colder than expected. That repeating image from mirror to mirror in the long curve to infinity has haunted me for years. patterjack
| Written by Lizzy (827 comments posted) 3rd January 2008 | | I'm not a poetry bluff but I love the imagery of this, especially the multiple images of a non smile into infinity, scary. | Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 3rd January 2008 | In the lift... I often have that in public transport. Nice poem  | Written by jillrabbit (57 comments posted) 3rd January 2008 | Eyes can have that effect - wonderful description. My only thought is that the word infinity creates such a powerful image in the last line perhaps the repetition dilutes it slightly. The word 'repeated' could stand alone. | Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 3rd January 2008 | I did like this poem and the images it produced in the mind. I often get that experience in the Waitrose lift! If I have one petty little point to raise, I don't equate 'colour' with jumping into water, but 'feeling' or 'shock'. But I could be missing something here. | Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 3rd January 2008 | Liked this very much. Captured a moment very well. I loved the lines about eye colour. Always been fascinated with pairs of facing mirrors. There was a large such pair going into Littlewoods in Doncaster in the seventies. I often dragged my mum that way just so I could look at images of us shrinking into the distance. Phil.
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