READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1745 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
Infinity
By Amelia
03 January 2008
Strangers have a strong effect on me. Especially strangers with nice eyes.

I never asked your name.
I should have,
or maybe started a conversation,
but I didn't think of it.
I was too absorbed by your eyes,
which were the exact color
of the instant of jumping into water
that is colder than expected.
And I was looking at ten thousand images of you,
Repeated to infinity
in the mirrored walls of the elevator
and in that smoky silence
I offered you a smile
and you offered me
nothing,
to infinity.

Reviews

Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 2nd January 2008
Hi, 
Just so very evocative; a scene from a film noire! 
No critique, I'm afraid - can't find a word wrong in it! 
PTV 
Altough a linespace after 'and you offered me' might be neat. And another thereafter?
Damned image !!
Written by patterjack (1429 comments posted) 2nd January 2008
Interesting capture of a moment . And the following is a neat piece of synaesthesia -- almost metaphysical 
 
which were the exact color  
of the instant of jumping into water  
that is colder than expected.
 
 
That repeating image from mirror to mirror in the long curve to infinity has haunted me for years. 
 
patterjack 
 

Written by Lizzy (827 comments posted) 3rd January 2008
I'm not a poetry bluff but I love the imagery of this, especially the multiple images of a non smile into infinity, scary.

Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 3rd January 2008
In the lift... I often have that in public transport. 
Nice poem :)

Written by jillrabbit (57 comments posted) 3rd January 2008
Eyes can have that effect - wonderful description. 
 
My only thought is that the word infinity creates such a powerful image in the last line perhaps the repetition dilutes it slightly. The word 'repeated' could stand alone.

Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 3rd January 2008
I did like this poem and the images it produced in the mind. I often get that experience in the Waitrose lift! 
 
If I have one petty little point to raise, I don't equate 'colour' with jumping into water, but 'feeling' or 'shock'. 
 
But I could be missing something here.

Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 3rd January 2008
Liked this very much. Captured a moment very well. I loved the lines about eye colour. 
 
Always been fascinated with pairs of facing mirrors. There was a large such pair going into Littlewoods in Doncaster in the seventies. I often dragged my mum that way just so I could look at images of us shrinking into the distance. 
 
Phil. 

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item