Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Dreams of Summer
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 710 guests online and 3 members online
Poetry
Dreams of Summer
By jillrabbit
05 January 2008
After Christmas, the anti-climax sets in

Stray birds pull their ruffled feathers in,
Defying winter's savage bite.
Shuffling, foot to foot, desperate to spot
An errant, turning worm
Poking out from soiled bed
Into the bleak and watery light.

Straggling, battered grass cover meadows low
Blades, biding time, inexorably slow to grow

Leafbuds, slightly furled at edge,
Jig round and round incessantly.
Clasped tightly by the wind, a cruel embrace.
Thin remnants of some faded Autumn wear
Cast off below,
Tumbling blindly, here and there

Over the dormant gardens, waiting, hibernating
Hearing past and future echoes
Of far off Summer days.




Reviews

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 5th January 2008
A sound description of a wintery scene. Particularly enjoyed the image of leafbuds dancing with the wind. Not sure what effects your stanza breaks are meant to have, though- are they really necessary?

Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 5th January 2008
Yes, Jill, I agree with gutterkitty - the leafbuds - "thin remnants of some faded Autumn wear". A good description. I understand how it is with the birds too. I have a breakfast queue every morning: Two teenage ducks (now married it seems); and a mother and her three teenage moorhens. The moorhens in particular feel the cold. When it was freezing they looked so miserable with feathers all fluffed up, and they stood on one leg with the other under their feathers, then changed feet and then got down on the ground to cover both feet. I did feel so sorry for them. Your description was so good.

Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 5th January 2008
Yep, thoroughly wintery - and depressing. Try as I might - I've struggled struggle to warm (pun not intended) to our coldest season. 
 
Phil

Written by jillrabbit (57 comments posted) 5th January 2008
Thanks for comments. Much appreciated. 
 
Gutterkitty - I'm not sure about the stanza breaks either. I did try it all together but I feel that big blocks of text are less easy to read. I suppose I split it at what I consider are natural pauses in the poem. But, you are probably right, they are not really necessary. 
 
Josie - I think I feel more sorry for the wildlife in the countryside, it always feels much colder. 
 
Phil - Winter does, if nothing else, provide a contrast to the better seasons. But, as Gutterkitty says about my stanza breaks, is it really necessary?
Dreams of Summer
Written by embro (126 comments posted) 6th January 2008
I liked your wording and your descriptions very much...nicely original. I have to say that I too struggled a bit with your layout. I couldn't get comfortable with the middle sections at all, even after re-reading several times. 
An enjoyable read though and captures the mood of Mid-Winter brilliantly ! 
all the best 
embro

Written by Lizzy (827 comments posted) 6th January 2008
I enjoyed this, some nice images. 
Depressing yes, but with a bit of hope I think. 
Lizzy

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item