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Poetry


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Love and Him

By aparajitha

08 January 2008

He looked,
And I turned beautiful,
He kissed,
And I turned sweet,
He touched,
And I turned precious.

Were it not for him,
I would have been nothing,
But a nun!

Reviews

Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 8th January 2008

Hi, again,
This piece is far more interesting, and I like it, very much, as it says so much in so little.
Just the way writing SHOULD be.
PTV

Written by aparajitha (1 comments posted) 8th January 2008

thanks a lot

Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 8th January 2008

lovely, simple and sweet as is love x

Brief and thoughtful.
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 8th January 2008

Brief and thoughtful. Personally I would re-cast the last few lines:

I would have been nothing,
Where it not for him.

And I leave it at that. I'd lose the last line and especially the exclamation mark - the audience should not need an "idiot board" to tell them when to laugh. Do you want them to laugh, anyway? that sudden descent from the tenderness of the first six lines suggests you're uncertain, instead of convinced of your message, which is basically sweet.

ps
Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 8th January 2008

"Where it not for him "

should be spelt "were". Where is a location, not a verb.

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