READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 2088 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
Waiting
By patterjack
09 January 2008
Waiting .

The silence within this place seems solidly immutable,
as solid as the very walls themselves
that muffle implacably the distant outside roar.

Wait now.   And crouch in the silence that surrounds;
hold back the thoughts that generate the sighs,
the gasps, the half articulated whispers
that otherwise would echo here without meaning.

A bar of light thrusts itself through the dust motes,   
precise and hard, slicing the space before the door
 but bypassing walls that would show, scarred  with graffiti ,
filled  with  familiar  pleas  of both  love  and  hate.

There is a shadow on the threshold.

Is the door open?

Is there a turnkey who has opened the lock?

Unspoken questions demand three steps to learn the answer.
Turn then and pace;  once;  twice;  stop.

Beyond the threshold there is a chirruping from the passage.
The very frailty of the sound has a menace
more than the pad and click of paw  and claws
that once patrolled there.

Who is the seeker who stands at the door?

Reviews
HI Patterjack
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 9th January 2008
Nice poem this, and I think I understand it. I thought first of a prison, but can't imagine a prison being a silent place. So now I think it is a mental hospital - or a padded cell.

Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 9th January 2008
Hi PJ. The long lines strengthen the sense of menace and foreboding in this. I got the impression that it's perhaps a gladiator waiting to face the bloodthirsty crowd and the lions in the Forum. You've built the tension very well and whoever the seeker is it seems to me his job's half done, for the poor soul in that bar of light must already be quaking. 
 
Nice write. 
 
hm
Close , both of you!
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 9th January 2008
Thanks Jean and HM 
 
You can take the intention of this piece even further, I think.Each of you has hit a facet-- one where it began , one where it almost ended .  
 
Others have done simiiarly in private messages 
 
I confess that the work took off in a direction I had not originally intended -- probably why the meaning can be interpreted in different ways . 
 
patterjack
ooh, scary
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 10th January 2008
very menacing but I like it. A little ambiguous... but brilliant all the same ^_^ x clo
As in most fears...
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 10th January 2008
...there is ambiguity . Thank you for the review, Clo. 
 
patterjack

Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 29th January 2008
PJ 
As you seemed to sense my criticism of something you wrote in a critique (DressedInPoetry, today) I think I owe it to you to look at some of your work; this is the first I have found. 
This seemed to me to resonate of a refugee, perhaps in a church; certainly holed up, shall we say, in a place of seemingly secure but utimately inherently insecure refuge. 
There is a certain menace; relieved by a subsequent release of tension. 
A most interesting piece; and now, reading it for a fourth of fifth time, I find the word "turnkey", which had not previously impacted. And now, I find that our subject, our narrator, is a prisoner. 
I think. 
Altogether very ambiguous, I think. But wonderfully atmospheric. 
Thanks for this. 
PTV 
Part of a series...
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 29th January 2008
... demonstrating , I hope , a slightly more than adolescent angst . 
 
Thank you for the comment . 
 
patterjack
Graphic!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 29th January 2008
From one who rarely dares venture an opinion on poetry, but I feel obliged to add my thoughts. 
Others have already mentioned the foreboding and menace which you sketch superbly and with a minimalist economy of words. 
I enjoyed the ambiguity, which leaves the reader to 'contribute' something by being obliged to use a bit of imagination and really THINK about the words on the page. 
VERY effective - thank you!
Thank you Bagheera
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 29th January 2008
My previous postings have not made clear that the verse is the result of a kind of angst 
 
patterjack
Powerful
Written by mia_ms_kim (1017 comments posted) 1st February 2008
I'm not a poet, so I am not qualified to comment. But I kept wondering about this piece. What is the writer waiting for? Or is it the seeker that's been waiting, and slowly making his presence felt? The writer does not seem fearful though such a scenario would instil fear in most people. I think because he has some idea who is on the other side. 
 
Perhaps a messenger of death from the other world? 
 
Mia

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item