Great Writing - Home > Poetry > The Hills Are Alive.
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1767 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
The Hills Are Alive.
By maipenrai
09 January 2008
a bit different is this one, an experiment, well, lets see how it goes.

The Hills are alive with
the sound of gunfire,
screaming boys and
radio calls, the whirling blades
blow up a dust storm,
just another day in
Helmond.

"Hello Alpha Charlie this is Mike Charlie One, over"
"Alpha Charlie send ,over"
" Mike Charlie One request P1 medevac soonest, over"
"Alpha Charlie send details, over"
"Mike Charlie One six P1 casulitys
 break
 times 2 gsw head, times 1 ta  left leg
 break
 times 1 ta right arm, times 2 blast injurys, over"
"Alpha Charlie wait

"Hello Mike Charlie One this is Alpha Charlie, over"
"Mike Charlie One send, over"
"Alpha Charlie medevac due your location in figures one five, I say again figures one five, over"
"Mike Charlie One roger"
"Alpha Charlie out"

a fictional radio conversation between a medic in the field and his/ her base support group.

Explanation

P1, Priority One Evacution, a serious life threatning injury

Medevac, Medical Evacution, in this case by helicoptor

Break, a pause in a radio conversation to enable the receiving station time to take down details.

GSW, Gun Shot Wound.

TA, Traumatic Amputation

Reviews

Written by Hellcat (63 comments posted) 9th January 2008
I wasn't sure what to make of this one -maybe it's me being dense (as is so often the case ;) ) but you lost me here "a fictional radio conversation between a medic in the field and his/ her base support group." 
 
Then I thought maybe the first radio contact was how it should go if all is perfect - I have a feeling the last part was how reality played out.....

Written by Hellcat (63 comments posted) 9th January 2008
After re-reading a couple of times, I understand that I wasn't paying attention - the gw and ta threw me. Confusing at first but hit home once I understood.

Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 9th January 2008
Hi Bernie. This holds the interest from start to finish. I'm amazed how you've managed to create so much tension in such a short piece. 
A great piece of writing. 
 
hm
HI
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 9th January 2008
Hellcat, Hm and thank you both for your comments. 
 
Hellcat, I have done an edit and explanation of the radio conversation. 
 
HM, as I said in the intro, something different, an experiment, really glad you liked it. 
Bernie

Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 11th January 2008
The hills are alive with gunfire here - shooting the poor partridges and pheasants in August. Some of your poems I've enjoyed, but to be truthful I didn't like your style here Bernie. You know how I write poetry, so you will guess why - but do continue as others liked your experiment. I do like rhythm, rhyme and structure, which this poem lacked - and that is what you intended - I know! Sorry.
Thanks
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 12th January 2008
Josie, understand what you are saying, this piece as received reviews where people like it, don't like it and some reviewers seem confused by it. 
 
not only on this site but others. 
 
again Thanks Josie. 
Bernie

Written by Bookwormandco. (29 comments posted) 28th August 2008
Good poem maipenrai,  
but as you said it is a bit confusing if you don't know the lingo, I could follow it ok though.  
My suggestion would be to repeat the first stanza, or something similar to it in form, at the end as well as the beginning, I think that might help shape it a little, as it just needed a clear ending. 
Keep writing! 
Lauren

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item