This is the first item I have posted. I wasn't sure where to put it so finally selected non-fiction.
This is based on my early experiences as a foster carer looking after a child who had suffered a high degree of emotional trauma with his natural mother and then a series of failed fostering and adoption placements. He came to us age nine from a children's home. He was our first experience of foster care. I wrote this when he had been with us less than a year.
The story has a happy ending - he is still with us 6 years on and we do love him.
There he is. What’s he been doing now? Look at the state he’s in, all covered in –
what is it? – Mud? Chalk? He must have been down that old chalk pit again
riding his bike off the edge like he was invincible. But he looks happy enough.
What on earth is
he doing with those bits of wood and string?
You’ve got to give it to him that he has a fantastic imagination. Who would have thought that a load of old
junk like that could be transformed into his image of a home? Even though the home is for his little teddy,
it says a lot about what he would really like… a real home. I wonder if he will ever come to consider our
house as that: somewhere to be safe and loved.
I guess for that to happen then we need to learn to love him back.
It’s so difficult
when his deepest feelings are hidden along way from view and you are never
really sure of what motivates him to do, well, anything. I would like to understand, I really would,
but sometimes it’s so hard. One minute
we seem to be getting along famously and the next minute he does something that
just doesn’t fit and drives a wedge again between us. Like hurting one of the dogs. Why would anyone ever want to hurt an
animal? The social workers say it is
jealousy or that he cannot cope with getting close to people so he has to ruin
things before he gets hurt. At least
then he is in control of the situation.
No one’s going to hurt him because he will get to them first.
He’s noticed me
at the window. I smile and wave. He wants me to come into the back garden so
that he can show me his latest construction.
Yes lovely, another house for his teddy.
I don’t really want to be there as I’m also scared of being hurt. I want to learn to love him and enjoy my time
with him, but I feel that when I let my guard down, he will hurt me again.
How can we break
this vicious circle? I turn away from
the window and get back to busying myself in the kitchen. There we both are, preoccupied in our own
private worlds, living separately, not daring to risk the pain of love and
rejection.
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Written by Carly (9 comments posted) 10th January 2008 |
I felt this - but not sure of how it ends, is there a happy ending to all of this?
Maybe there is no need, but curiosity makes me want to know!  |
Hi there
Written by embro (126 comments posted) 10th January 2008 |
This is a lovely read. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
The piece flows nicely, keeping the reader interested and it is written in a good, 'easy to follow' style.
all the best
embro |
Written by Karenhoffen (37 comments posted) 11th January 2008 |
Carly and Embro
Thanks for the lovely comments. This gives me confidence to write more.
The real story is a long and complex one, which currently has a happy ending but as the boy is now 15 years old, there is still a lot of life to live and outcomes can be uncertain for children with traumatic beginnings.
However I have learned to love and the boy has learned to be loved.
Thanks again
Karenhoffen |
HI Karen
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 11th January 2008 |
I enjoyed reading your story - but there is so much more that you haven't said. It would be interesting to hear more about your foster son and how you managed to break down the barriers eventually.
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Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 11th January 2008 |
Karen - what a WONDERFUL job you must be doing. They tell us today that there are so many children who are not happy, but surely the most unhappy are the ones who come from broken homes, or feel rejected in some way. It must be a feeling that they will carry all life long. How I really enjoyed reading your piece. Please keep reading.
A little thing:
along way - a long way |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 11th January 2008 |
Difficult piece of writing to carry off with issues of confidientiality and such - yet you did it very well. What made this was you admitting your own hang ups and failings. We're all human - but when we write, we can distance ourselves from that if we're not careful. A lovely, vulnerable and honest piece of writing.
Phil |
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