It had been 2 months since he had set foot on land. Stepping off of the motor launch, he spread himself towards the little shop at the ferry terminal. The air humid hit him like a truck when he stepped out into the open. 

He was lucky to be here. In fact he was the only crew member allowed ashore off of the “Abhorsen Bay” while it lay at anchor collecting food stores and engine spares before it headed back up to the Gulf. The Captain and himself were the only native English speakers aboard. The Captain took a liking to him the moment he stepped onto the ship 8 weeks ago, he could see in this young man a mirror image of himself 40 years ago. And now as he was coming to the end of his career, this young man was beginning his. Knowing full well the cadet had not experienced shore leave since he joined, he had even organised a launch to bring him from the ship to the ferry terminal and then back again at 7:30 the next morning. And here Joseph was, Marina South Pier where the Singaporeans catch the ferries and the seamen disembark from the little boats bringing them from the large ones. 

After purchasing a bottle of coke and 20 marlboro lights cigarettes, he stepped into a taxi. An Indian man asked in a rather brusque fashion:

“Where you want to go?”

“I don’t know...this is my first time in Singapore. Where do you recommend?”

After briefly pausing, he replied:

“Orchard Towers….plenty girls”

Joseph paused more briefly and then answered:

“Yeah, that sounds fine, thanks”

The taxi driver smiled.

The Captain had told him to make sure he visited Orchard Towers, he didn’t elaborate as to why. They drove on and headed towards the heartbeat of the city. It was 9 o’clock in the evening. He opened the window and let the thick hot lava like air pour in. The taxi driver seemed irked by this, but Joseph did not notice, he was too taken up by the sounds, the smell, the feel of the city fleeting by in flashes of form. He had never seen a place like this, so mysterious and thrilling….all this from a taxi ride. Some 20 minutes later they were on Orchard Road. The taxi man informed him, that they were now on the main street in Singapore. He could feel it, pumping like a heart. The centre of this place.

The taxi pulled up to a large building. 

“This is Orchard Towers” the taxi man pointed at the building.

Joseph paid his fare and got out of the car. He surveyed his surroundings. He stood there for 5 minutes studying the scene. Cars pounding up Orchard Road like racehorses, the people going by like ants, the middle-aged white men dripping out of Orchard Towers with the most beautiful women he had ever seen linked to their arms. The sounds gushing in one ear and out the other. He, as if in a dream, ushered himself inside. He stepped onto the escalator located just inside the door. Gliding upstairs, he noticed all manner of people passing by on the stairs going down….Asian, African, European, American, Australian ….yes indeed every continent must have been represented. At the top of the escalator, the first floor opened itself up across the landing. He could see two more sets of escalators servicing the next two floors above. Again he looked around him. Bars, clubs, massage parlours, eateries and even a little shop crushed themselves into each other. Just behind him, two English men passed by. One raced ahead while the other shouted at him:

“Come on John, stop acting like a shithead!”

At this, a group of four young women at the top of the escalator called after them:

“Come on John, John come back!”

At this stage, Joseph gathered what kind of place this was. He moved into a bar called “Ipanema”. The interior was a lot bigger than what he had surmised it to be from looking at it from the outside. And inside there were more women than he had ever seen in a bar before. He immediately headed to the bar and ordered the local Tiger Beer. Supping on his beer and looking at the impressive decor, he imagined they had lost their way while decorating it. He assumed that they were, at the start, aiming for the Brazilian look as in Ipanema, Rio, but had managed to turn it into some sort of ancient African tribal camp. However, he was quite happy to be off the ship and drinking among other human beings so he decided not to dwell on the matter. As he began to watch some premiership football on the widescreen television hanging on the wall in the corner, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning round he saw a small young woman.

“Hello what’s your name?”

“My name?….my name’s Joseph” he was quite perplexed at the first woman who had spoken to him in 8 weeks.

“Where you from?” saying this she sat on his lap.

Joseph nervously took a gulp of beer

“Ireland”

She looked into his eyes:

“Where’s that?”

He thought for as how best to explain and then settled on:

“Emmm, Next to England...”

She suddenly smiled:

“Oh you English”

“No I’m…...Yes I’m English” Joseph thought about trying to explain but decided that this would be too complicated a task.

“How old are you?” she put her arm around his neck.

“I’m 17” he nervously to another gulp of beer.

“What? you 17?” she took her arm from around his neck.

He smiled:

“Yes I’m 17”

She turned to her friend who had her hand down the pants of the man she was talking to and pointed at Joseph. She then said something in a foreign language and began to giggle, as did her friend. He thought it was Malay but he wasn’t going to bet on it.

She then jumped back onto his lap. And ran her fingers through his beard.

“But you look old, you have big beard and moustache?”

He then took out his passport to reinforce his story.

“Wow! You ARE young!”

Joseph then turned the tables on her:

“How old are you?”

Moving her fingers along the edge of his passport and looking at the picture she answered:

“26”

“Where are you from?”

Looking up she replied:

“Malaysia”

Subconsciously he said:

“Cha-Ching” although he said it out loud.

She looked at him strangely:

“What?”

Looking embarrassed he apologised: 

“Nothing I meant to say it in my head but I said aloud, sorry about that. Anywho I’ve got to go now before this goes any further. I don’t want to be leading you on a wild goose chase or anything. Can I have my passport back please.”

She handed it back to him. Downing his beer he lifted her off his lap.

“Thanks and goodbye”

He walked out the door of the bar, down the escalator and out the front door of the Towers out onto Orchard Road. He needed air and devoured it as he stood on the pavement, taking long deep breaths. He didn’t know why he felt this way. 

He walked onwards and saw a green neon light for an Irish bar…..“Muddy Murphy’s”. Just typical he thought to himself. There may not be an Irish Embassy in every country but you could be assured of finding an Irish bar in most. He walked across the road and downstairs to the sub terraneum bar. It had all the trappings associated with these pubs. The road signs, the clay drinking mugs hanging behind the bar, the old whiskey bottles taking pride of place on the bar shelves, the drinks…..yes the drinks. 

“A Murphy’s please”

He was happy to see he could order the drink that his father brewed back in Cork. He sat down at the bar safe in the knowledge that he would not be disturbed. Not many bearded men are disturbed at bars when they drink alone. That is unless in you’re in a bar full of prostitutes.

After his 5th pint he was in the perfect state of drunkenness. This is the state where you begin to feel that you are drunk and you feel quite happy that is unless you are quite sad. This is the state where you can talk to strangers on a large range of random subjects. This is what he intended to do. A pretty woman sat at the end of the bar, it being a Sunday night, the bar was quiet and there were only 2 other men between him and her. He had noticed she was drinking G+T’s alone, she had been this way for the last hour. She must have been around 35 he reckoned. European, American or Australian? He wasn’t quite sure. If only he could bring his accent identifying power into play but alas she was just too far away. He needed to go to the toilet. He decided now was the time to kill two birds with the one stone. As he passed her by. He casually whispered in her ear:

“1000 penguins on a bus”

He then strolled on to the restrooms.

After some 5 minutes he re-entered the bar and sat down in his original seat. He ordered another Murphy’s and a G+T for the lady. Some twenty minutes later, the lady picked up her drink and moved towards taking the vacant seat to the right of him. Leaning over to him she whispered:

“Why did you say 1000 penguins on a bus?”

She smelled wonderful. A beautiful strawberry smell. He was unsure as to whether it was her hair or her perfume. He then faced her and calmly replied:

“I don’t know…..I just wanted to break the ice….”

At this, she burst out laughing. Obviously the Gin and Tonic’s had done the trick because even he, in his pie eyed position, didn’t find it that funny. She extended a hand which he duly shook:

“My name’s Antjie, Let me guess...you’re Joseph?”

He was taken aback by this:

“How the hell did you know that?”

“I asked the barmaid you were speaking to earlier on!

Joseph laughed. He wondered why that barmaid asked him his name. God damn barmaids. Two can play at that game he thought to himself.

“Well Antjie, I’m guessing you’re Zimbabwean”

“Very clever,I thought you’d guess South Africa because of my accent. How did you know that?”

He smiled and informed her:

“The flag on your lapel”

She looked down at it:

“Oh god am I still wearing that?” she took it off and placed it in her pocket.

She looked up and smiled at him:

“Where are you from? I can’t place that accent. Is it Scottish?”

“No, No….nearly there, just think about where you are?”

“Oh my god you’re Irish” she seemed to get excited at the thought of this.

“No it’s not what you think. It’s totally overrated!”

Again she laughed and took a sip of her drink.

He ventured:

“Well I know that you’re probably working for the Zimbabwean Intelligence Services with all your tricks for getting names of suspects from bar staff etcetera but I just wanted you to confirm it?”

She smiled and replied:

“Close but no cigar! I work as Ambassador to Australia”

Joseph had a very doubtful look on his face indeed...

“Yes and I’m the Prime Minister of Malaysia….”

She reached into her bag and pulled out diplomatic papers and identification.

“Do you believe me now?”

“Ok either you are quite a good con artist or you actually are the Zimbabwean Ambassador  to Australia, I’m going with the con artist explanation though” he laughed saying this.

Antjie while laughing slapped his thigh.

“Ok, Ok I believe you, please don’t hurt me, What are you doing here in Singapore? Canberra’s about 2000 miles that way!” he pointed towards the door. 

“I’m on a trade mission promoting Zimbabwean products…..So anyway Mr. Hotshot, what do you?”

He thought for a second, he can’t say Cadet, Cadet’s are young and don’t chat up Ambassadors.

“Well it’s hard to follow that one up but I’m the Chief Officer on a ship” that’d do fine he thought.

“Oh you’re a sailor”

“Yes, Yes I am. And I’m quite proud of being one” he tugged at his shirt with both hands at the chest.

“So...is there any “action” between some of the guys on the ship?”

She moved her hand onto his knee. Joseph felt all light headed.

“I’m shocked and appalled at your insinuations Ms. Ambassador, I’ll have you know nothing of that sort goes on. Well except between myself and the Captain!”

She laughed aloud and moved to Joseph’s hand. He felt a bolt of electricity run up his arm. She was beautiful. Shoulder length blond hair, deep blue eyes and an athletic figure. The night continued like that up until closing time. A well built black man in a navy blue suit approached them. 

“Ms. Ambassador time to go to the hotel”

Joseph looked at her:

“Ok now I definately believe you!”

She moved off to the side of the bar and from what Joseph gathered told her minder to go away. She returned to the seat and posed the question:

“Would like to come back to my hotel for a drink?”

This night was going far better than he had previously imagined. He immediately answered:

“Why yes I’d be honoured…” he bowed as he said this.

She laughed and jokingly responded:

“Oh fuck off Mr. Sailor!”

They walked the short distance to the Hilton Hotel with her right arm draped around Joseph’s midriff. She was quite shorter than he. Joseph was fully aware that they were being followed. They entered the hotel and much to Joseph’s annoyance, the hotel bar was closed.

“Oh well Antjie, no more alcohol for me. Better head back to Mr. Ship.”

She made a valid point:

“There’s a mini bar in my room if you’re interested in coming up?”

“Sure, sure you’re the boss!”

They entered the elevator and Antjie pressed the button for the 26th floor, the top. They exited the elevator and were greeted by a butler. 

“Good Evening Madame Ambassador, Good Evening Sir”

Joseph nodded to him.

She swiped her card on the door and magic, it opened. Never had he seen such a luxurious room. The room most probably had more floor space than his house did back home. 

“Come in and make yourself comfortable.”

“Oh yeah thanks.”

He took off his jumper and stood looking out of the ground to floor windows at the happenings of the little ants below, the residents of of the city state.

“Make yourself a drink I’ll be with you in a minute, pour me a double whiskey will you?”

“No probs, I’m on it”

His hands were shaking as he poured the drinks, he knew that what was going to happen was by this stage inevitable. He had only done it once before and that was a year before with another first timer. It was the most awkward thing he had ever experienced.

Sure enough Antjie came back into the room in a dressing gown. She pressed play on the cd remote control and moved in the direction of Joe. As the jazz began to play, she took the glass out of his hand and slowly began to dance in front of him, very suggestively. She then went to work on taking off his shirt and then his pants. Antjie then slipped out of her nightgown Joe now stood there naked while the ambassador of Zimbabwe to Australia danced naked in front of him. It truly was surreal. She turned around and touched his beard.

“I’ve never kissed a man with a beard before”

Joseph smiled:

“I’m won’t stop you”

In the morning he awoke at 7 o’clock. Antjie was sprawled across him. He very carefully slid out from beneath her and stepped out of the bed. She looked even more beautiful in the light of the morning laying its rays across the sheets. He stole a kiss before dressing and walking out the door. Two men jumped to attention the moment he opened the door. He felt their gaze follow him until the doors of the elevator closed behind him. He felt light headed as he flagged down a taxi. 

“Marina South Pier Please..”

He slept until they arrived at the pier. Exiting the taxi and still rather tipsy, he handed the taxi man a 50 Singapore dollar note and told him to keep the change. 

The launch was waiting for him as the Captain had promised.

He asked one of the men on the boat:

“The ‘Abhorsen Bay’?”

“Yes ‘Ashorben Bay’, ‘Ashorben Bay’…”

Close enough he thought and hopped on. 

Speeding out into Singapore Harbour under a cloudy sky, he opened his as new pack of cigarettes, lit one and took a long worthwhile drag. He sat in the open part at the back of the boat. It began to rain. The Captain had told him that it can sometimes be like that in this city, Powerful sunny sky and then monsoon like thunder rain. Blue sky’s giving way to murky cloud. He didn’t mind one bit but sat there in the back of the boat with his hair and clothes getting soaked in the warm tasty rain.