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Shorts
Tortured Soul
By latepaul
12 January 2008
This is my first (so far only) ghost story. Comments welcome.

I am the spirit of fear and pain. I lie waiting to inflict torment. I am
a shade, a shadow, a faded imprint of a horror unspoken. A horror with
which I haunt this place. I am the spirit of fear and pain. It is what I
must do.

* * *

He feels it as he nears the door, both feels and fears my presence. It
is only a moment's pause as he turns the key-- a flicker of unease--but
it is there. If I could smile I would.

He enters and walks slowly, deliberately down the hall, not looking up.
There is a patch of ceiling that is darker than the rest, though not
through any lack of light. It is not I, who am here and yet not, it is
merely the way my presence sours the air. Nevertheless he will not look
at it.

He will not look, yet does not know that I look through his eyes. His
thoughts are open to me as the night outside is open. I am not trapped
by walls or flesh and bone.

He hangs up his jacket and puts on another, an old coat stained from
work and sad memory. Feeling in the pocket he finds hard reassuring
metal. He is preparing, so must I.

He walks toward the cellar door and now I am the space surrounding it. I
thicken the air and strengthen my will. He shall not pass.

He pauses, grasping again that pocketed tool which seems to give him
courage. I must not relent. He has will and a purpose but so do I, and I
intend to frighten him from his course. I weigh down on him like a heavy
cloak, like a shroud I cover his head with darkness.

There is a moan, not him, but coming from below.

He yells “shut up!”, and I am almost dislodged by the force of his
anger.

As he descends the stairs, I envelop him with my terror, embracing him
about with all my impure energies. I delve into his memory to stir up
demons-- a childhood's pain and uncertainty, a youth forgotten and
uncared-for, a man maligned and misunderstood. I wrap him in these
illusions of things past, visions of that which hurt him. I want to make
him feel it again. I want him to feel.

But he has iron in him, a mettle born of hatred. A hatred I can see, it
is purple and red and on fire in his fingertips. His mind is calm and
clear but his heart is overflowing with a hunger to taste this evil.
When he reaches the spot where his latest victim is chained to the wall,
it is I who falter while he remains sure.

He takes out the knife. Its touch has been his surety, his
steadfastness. The blood begins to flow and I am undone. I am the spirit
of fear and pain, and once again they fill me completely.

Reviews

Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 12th January 2008
Very well written. I love the bit about the dark patch on the ceiling. I would leave out the first paragraph, so readers have a curiosity to know who you are until the final paragraph. 
I read it twice, with interest, to understand the spirit's relationship to the murderer. It is trying to stop the murder happening because it is filled with the pain and fear of the victim. 
Nice one.

Written by Karenhoffen (37 comments posted) 13th January 2008
This is an excellent first attempt at a ghost story - you obviously have a talent for this. I liked the first paragraph, it hooked me in and set the dark tone for the story. 
 
I liked the way my feelings changed towards the spirit and the man - one good and one evil. 
 
The story has a poetic feel to it.

Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 13th January 2008
As a story of horror, you have succeeded with me. I actually do believe that there are great forces of evil in this world and also love (call it God). I don't want to meet the first kind. Your story weas really well written both in content and the writing itself. It was certainly gripping. Good title and it certainly hooks the reader.

Written by latepaul (1 comments posted) 13th January 2008
Thanks for the comments.  
 
I've been back and forth on having the first paragraph so that's a useful note. 
 
Thanks again.

Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 13th January 2008
very cleverly written. I agree the first paragraph is almost too much of a giveaway, but the rest is excellent.

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