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For Children
Trixie the Pixie
By JininyC
13 January 2008

Hi, I was given some advice, saying that maybe I should try Childrens poetry, so here is my first attempt. Honest opinions and any advice would be greatly received.

Thanks,

J.


If you know Giggle forest,

You should look for an oak.

Find a hole in the ground,

Get a stick and then poke.

 

But please, don’t poke too hard,

Else you’ll give her a scare,

Because deep in the hole,

Trixie Pixie lives there.

 

She has lived there for years,

Since the world first began.

Before Dinosaurs, monkeys,

Women and man.

 

She always wears dresses,

Of pink, green and blue

She’s got a huge wardrobe

Everyday something new.

 

She spends most the time

Playing games, having fun

From the early morn rising,

To the eve’s setting sun

 

But when she’s not playing,

She collects all the litter.

That blows in the wind,

Whether it warm or whether it bitter.

 

With all of the things,

That she finds on her travels.

From the old empty cans,

To wool jumpers, unravelled.

 

Then she takes them all home

And then find a new use

Of all the worlds rubbish,

That we all should reduce.

 

For, example, glass bottles,

That contains all our drinks,

She collects them, and then says

“What new use do I think?”

   

“For this empty old bottle,

All its contents now drunk,

And those silly big humans,

They just think that it’s junk”

 

“But, it’s not and I’ll prove it,

Just think, what can it be?

I know, a new window,

Through which I can see”

 

“And these wrappers I’ve found,

All the chocolate now gone,

I can turn into curtains,

They can block out the sun”.

 

“But I wish that those people

Would do what I do,

And take all the old things,

And make something new”

 

“Cause my house in the oak,

Well, it isn’t that big

And to bury the rubbish,

Then all day I’d just dig”

 

“I’d have no time for playing

No more days having fun,

I’d collect all the litter,

My work never done”

 

So, I’m hoping you read this,

Praying you understand

Just dispose of your rubbish,

And give trixie a hand.


Reviews
Hope this helps
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 14th January 2008
I hope you look on this as helpful Jay. I'd reduce the length by putting two lines together. Look at the line jutting out. You could combine these lines to make it better like this I would say: 
 
Trixie collects all the litter, which we we call refuse 
Then recycles each piece, turning it to good use. 
“See this empty bottle - its contents now drunk, 
Humans don’t want it. They think it’s just junk.” 
 
I think your idea for a children's poem is really great. This is the sort of thing a teacher would use in a class when talking about recycling etc.  
 
There are a few little things you could polish up in this poem. Don't forget capital T for her name in last line. 
 
Then later: 
 
“I wish human beings would do as I do - 
Turn their old rubbish into something new. 
For my house in this oak tree is not all that big 
Getting rid of their litter means that I have to dig.” 
 
I think that, as above, it flows better as well as sitting better on the page - but, there again, others may not agree with me. Hope this helps. Don't pad children's poems out too much. They have limited attention and it is better for a teacher to get ideas from them instead of you telling them everything.  
 
 
 
 
 

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