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Poetry
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A journey
By punchy
14 January 2008
Fictional!!

I've been on a journey
In search of myself
but that journey it seems
Was bad for my health

As I've looked in
To search for my glow
And feelings I've never
Been able to show

I stumbled upon
A mountain of treasure
That's filled me back up
To a size I can't measure

But with it came stuff
I never have faced
And my journey went sour
I found a new place

I know who I am
And what I can do
But now I'm in battle
With something quite new

Reviews
Hi punchy
Written by embro (126 comments posted) 14th January 2008
Yeah, we can all relate to this. A good straightforward piece, written in a nice crisp style. 
enjoyed it ! 
embro
Embro
Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 15th January 2008
Thankyou for your review I do appreciate your comments and always take them on board.My poetry is all fantasy but I go on the ride completely which is why people take my stuff too literally. I couldn't write a novel but I like the idea of a poetry book that tells a subtle story as it works through much like a journey. 
Anyway I'll shut up now :grin

Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 15th January 2008
P, 
Quite like the theme behind this, but the style, here, is too lightweight for the subject, I think. 
Even 'fictional', it needs to have more depth to it. 
Although I don't think I can recall every one of the pieces you have posted here (recently, as I'm only a relative newcomer myself), I think you need to address the idea of writing longer lines, from time to time at least. A whole anthology in this short, punchy style (no pun intended) would be very difficult for the reader to read - it would be more a matter of wading through them, I think. 
Rhyme isn't an absolute essential to make a piece live, I don't think; but there can then become the knotty problem of whether 'we' are writing prose in verse form; you've probably seen this comment in reviews already, from various contributors. But, conversely, a rhyme doesn't necessarily make prose become a poem.  
(And I have very strong views on the differences between verse & poetry - poetry, in general, inhabits the top floors of the house; verse is on the intervening floors, depending upon its quality, and down on the ground floor - but preferably in the cellar - is doggerel!) 
Hmm. 
PTV

Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 15th January 2008
You're right, all my poems lately have been short lines and very skippy almost. I go in stages much like my themes. Thankyou for your review. x

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