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Tuesday work time blues........ |
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By ericthered
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05 October 2005 |
Silent sighs, mute minds. Keys gently pressed, up and down, up and down. Grey days and a low wage. Tangled thoughts in a cage. The Boom Town Rats spoke utter crap. Tuesday is the very blackest of blacks.
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oddly enough ........
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 5th October 2005 | ...... I find myself agreeing totally - about this particular Tuesday, anyway!! The only good thing about it was, it's finally OVER!!
Another musical memory: "Black night is a long way from hooooooooome! (Can't remember the group!)
Can't "quite" put a solid 8 (or 16) bar blues backing to your poem, but I loved the sentiments!  | The name of the band...
Written by idlemusings (80 comments posted) 5th October 2005 | | ...is Deep Purple. |
Written by ericthered (3 comments posted) 5th October 2005 | Tuesday was a bit dire, truly miserable day. Better today now though.  |
Written by Missinginaction (37 comments posted) 9th October 2005 | Hi Eric
I think you have a very good point in this poem. I like the last two lines very much, but the others would I think benefit from a bit more work: in something as short and pithy as this, I personally like to see every word working for its keep. I think the full rhyme in the middle detracts from the overall effect and sounds more forced than the rest. I also felt that 'gently' could have been a richer, more redolent adverb/adjective to fit in with the rest of the mood. It's worth working on. Thanks for the read.
- Missing |
Written by IPFaulkner (83 comments posted) 29th May 2006 | yeah, tangled web in a cage felt it was their becuase it was a ryhme. Loved the last two lines.
IPF |
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