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By Fledermaus
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17 January 2008 |
Pink flowers wave softly in a warm breeze Ten thousand times ten thousand shiny lights Green mountains rise above a deep blue sea The people, all disciplined, beautiful But over here the trees bear no more leafs Dark clouds cast shadows over a cold land The country is flat and the sea is grey The nervous people hurry in the streets I'm homesick ever since I'm home again |
Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2361 comments posted) 17th January 2008 | This is a nice gentle poem, with a strong message. Perhaps you can find a job in Hong Kong - have you looked?
Europe in winter is always a hard place to come back to. |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 17th January 2008 | Thanks Jean,
I have been thinking of that indeed. It would be great to live there I think!
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Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 19th January 2008 | Interested in your reference to discipine. I saw it in a review somewhere else too. Not sure exactly what you mean. I'd be interested in your perspective.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 19th January 2008 | Thanks Phil.
What I mainly mean by discipline is how orderly and behaved they are: Waiting in line for the underground and the bus, no shouting and pushing. Shop assistants are always ready for customers, everyone is polite and it's very clean. Everything goes very smoothly and people do what they are supposed to do.
Compare that to the individualism, machismo and impatience of many people over here. I like the respectful way in which people treat each other over there. That's what I meant by discipline: They don't act as if the whole world has to step aside for them. |
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 28th January 2008 | Hi,
Just looking thro'; found this.
I like it - the two comparisons - juxtapositions.
But when I first read it, the last line (although explanatory) seemed somehow out of context - with the remainder.
Just a thought - I don't imagine that it's a poem that you are going to beat yourself up about; but in an anthology, the last line might just be improved?
PTV |
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 28th January 2008 | Hi,
Just looking thro'; found this.
I like it - the two comparisons - juxtapositions.
But when I first read it, the last line (although explanatory) seemed somehow out of context - with the remainder.
Just a thought - I don't imagine that it's a poem that you are going to beat yourself up about; but in an anthology, the last line might just be improved?
PTV |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 28th January 2008 | Thanks Pete,
You're right that I won't "beat myself up" about this  It's mainly an expression of how I felt looking at Europe after returning from my holiday... Thanks for the comment. |
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