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Poetry
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Jacob Blue
By Talisker
20 January 2008
Jacob Blue  



Hi, my name is Jacob Blue,

I’m a child just like you.

 

Living here within the Hive

 

where it’s good to be alive.

 

 
From the window of my home

 

I can see the Terror Dome

 

where the Paedos, Chavs and Neds

 

multiply in lousy beds.

 

 
There’s a book I hide away

 

where some children lost in play

 

in a field beside the sea

 

build a house within a tree!

 

 
When I go to sleep at night

 

and Control turn out the light

 

I can see The Transgressor

 

blinking here on my dresser.

 

 
I can learn all the faster

 

interfacing with The Master

 

and the kids who’re less aligned

 

won't get access to my mind.

 

 
Were we real life stylo-mates

 

you’d be able to relate

 

things for me unedifying

 

and I’d only think – “he’s lying”

 

 
Bye for now from Jacob Blue,

 

as you see I’m just like you

 

living here within the Hive

 

where it’s good to be alive.

 

 

Oli 20/01/08

 

Reviews
Borg
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 20th January 2008
Uh... ? Reminded me of Star Trek, but I'm not sure if that's what you had in mind. He is human(oid) isn't he? or is it an insect (some people claim they have a hive mind. I doubt if that's provable, but still many seem to believe it)?
Hi Batty
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 20th January 2008
Borg? no, he tells you himself - 
 
"I'm a child just like you" 
 
Perhaps in the near future. "The Hive" is the name of the development (protected compound?) where he lives. 
 
I don't want to spoil it too much - there is much in personal interpretation.  
 
Oli :)
Jacob Blue
Written by beatricelouise (215 comments posted) 20th January 2008
This is written with a good rhyming scheme, and I also like the flow of the wording.  
 
I enjoy poems that have some sort of repetition. Yours has the first and last stanza nearly the same. And they are light, leaving the reader happy to be alive. 
 
Yes, Talisker. Everyone's poetry have a type of personal interpretation. I did like this one very much. 8)

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 20th January 2008
The structure of rhythm and rhyme really give the feel of a child's voice - Jacob's. Deliberate, I assume. The first person telling, the second line, the child's POV all ground this to make it an almost straight narrative. A cautionary tale? A theme close to my heart - no risk means no life. For me life is all about managing risk and negotiating a reasonable route through the mire of humanity. 
 
I really liked that you made him at least a little subversive with his secret book showing a different kind of childhood.  
 
I liked this a lot. Effective and affecting. 
 
Incidentally - I reckon I'd rather live in the Terror Dome and take my chances - maybe die of a rotted liver - than sterilise my life in the Hive. A sterile life? - Not for me. 
 
Phil
With a few minor adjustments...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 21st January 2008
Thanks to AW from down under. 
 
Oli

Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 21st January 2008
Good write is this, clever, like Phil I think I would rather stay in the Terror Dome though. 
 
we had another shooting near me on sat night, young guy shot in the chest, life is cheap to some. 
Bernie

Written by Lizzy (793 comments posted) 21st January 2008
Yes a clever write, with lots to read into it - if you want. 
As Phil says the voice is good. 
Lizzy

Written by sarahh (18 comments posted) 24th January 2008
Wow i really enjoyed reading that and i usually dont like when it ryhmes so much but it was really good.  
Thanks

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