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Shorts
I, Witch (*Prologue.)
By D-J-M
20 January 2008
This is the prologue to a particularly long short story that I am writing at the moment. It will probably later fit into the extended category on the website. I don't want to give too much away though, as it is still in working progress and is subject to change.

And as always with my work, watch out for the excessive imagery and what-not!

Enjoy, and leave a constructive review as always!

One's vision was that of an ebony canvas, broken in the pattern of its darkness by brief pillars of refracted light through swift slivers of water that knifed the air. Their voyage downwards was placed randomly hither and thither, scattered in droplets of brief noise at their descent and contact with the hardened flecks of stone that checked the path. There was little else that registered in one's eye's knowledge, and the near mute pitter-patter of the sheets of past ocean opened downward blocked one's ears to all other sounds.

A sudden movement caught itself on a camoflauged silhouette. Slightly tall, and feminine in its stance and form, it swayed vaguely. The one footstep that it took melded itself with the rain, for it was as if she had not moved at all, and yet was closer to the open refraction of the moon's children in the water.

The figure, a girl within breaking point of her adolescence, knelt down to the ground, to look down into the murky and near-empty reflections of the water collected in a small and hastily dug bowl in the soil on the edge of the road.

What little light was sparsely hewn into the ripples of the puddle found themselves upon the girl's head. She wore a crushed beret that sank upon her head. Her hair was a wild mass of a blonde tinged in pure snow, and seemed almoat artificial in its sway and texture upon her shoulders. She wore a prim and uniformed navy dress that was shortened to the higher regions of her thigh, with spots of moist darkness where the rain had fallen upon it. This sheltered a sleeved shirt that was evidentally and intentionally wrinkled and creased repeatedy, the buttoned cuffs split open. Shoes that shone dully from artificial means of cleaning were an oily black pelted with whitened mud, over long tights that bore a familiar yet even lighter hue to that of the shirt. Dangling from her neck was a simple silver chain, strangely dry and perfectly unharmed in any way, an inwards-facing pentacle matching the chain hung from this, also devoid of any physical harm, both were completely dry, though the rain hammered itself upon them.

Her face was full, but also sharpened to some extent. Her eyes were most striking to the eye due their oily cerulean colour, seeming an iridescent grey or green at certain angles of the light. Her eyes were dominated by cosmetics that were not drawn from the usual artificial kind, seeming rather to be refined dirt etched perfectly into her forehead, for many perfectly symmetrical desgins were carved into this display.

From somewhere within her, although it seemed to be from nowhere, she drew a carved quartz crystal, in the shape of the stereotypical image of the symbol of love. It was both bright and yet slight in its hue of magenta, seeming almost white. She looked long and hard into the water, her thoughts abstractly feeding of any invisible source that commanded its physical existence and any evident power or strength borne of this. She bore the quartz aloft in the air, obscuring her vision, yet never averting her gaze from the abstract point of its concentration, nor blinking or merely wavering an eyelid. All she presumably saw became physically palpable within her, and she focused it onto the polished surface of the quartz, and she dropped it into the shallow depths of the filthy water, and somehow all pre-determine ripple never escaped the liquid, nor did a single raindrop descend upon it.

She opened her mouth, exaggerating and harsh in her tone, a hint of expectancy remaining in her eyes, and she spoke;

"... Evil which hath come to me,
turn back from thy course,
by the power of water and law of three,
go back to thy source ..."

Suddenly, whatever colour was borne upon the reflection of the water was drained sinking into the downward direction of the quartz, a stale image of no colour remained upon the surface.

The girl then sifted her fingers through the water, through the sides of the bowl into the dirt, searching for the crystal, and in finding it, her hand flung to her chest, encasing the crystal in her grasp, from where it then found its eventual resting place in wherever she had produced it from.

Suddenly, the flecks of abstract whispers carriend themselves on the wid to the girl's ears, heard only by her. She set her head above her shoulders imperiously and with expertise, and seemed to smell the air, still seeming to be listening.

A knowing smile played at the corners of her mouth. The wrinkles created brought out the worst of her seemingly permanent sneer of disgusted skepticism.

Then, in mere moments as she had glanced to and fro within the darkness, she seemed to melt into the rain and into the shadows, creating herself an echo of herself as void, into which she subsequently spun herself within. The rain no longer finding itself physically palpable upon her, and at her vanishing the rain ceased mutely ...

... To be continued.

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 20th January 2008
Created a clear atmosphere. Only the phrase " Slightly tall, and feminine in its stance and form" puzzled me for a moment as you are later referring to (I assume) the same person as a teenage girl. Somehow the description made me expect a mature woman.  
I was also wondering if she had just summoned or un-summoned the witch, for although her words suggests she wants to get rid of her, the actions showed some gloomy magic. 
 
Interesting read.
Huh?
Written by D-J-M (14 comments posted) 20th January 2008
Thanks for your review, but...Did you interpret there being TWO characters? :? There's only the one girl, if you thought this could you tell me how? I'll edit as soon as I can...

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 20th January 2008
No, it was clear, but from that line I first expected a mature woman, while you later point out she's a teenage girl.

Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 21st January 2008
I still find your work very difficult to read. I itch to get out an editor's pen and cross out excessive words. Having said that, I find I am searching out your work in order to read it. You certainly have something in both the style and the content. 
I am surprised you are getting so little feedback. I suspect because people don't know what to make of it. Keep writing - you may turn out to be the next James Joyce ( I have difficulty reading his stuff too.) 
Re the "slightly tall" problem. I assume you mean that she is both slight and tall rather than slightly-tall, which wouldn't make sense.
artistry
Written by vixer805 (22 comments posted) 1st February 2008
Hi. liked it. i like the impressionist descriptions. 
"slightly tall" is great, i don't see any problems with that. 
i read it as one person, who is both young and slightly tall. that's cool, it works. 
 
i hope this dosen't sound like a massive anti-you rant. i've written a big chunk here 'cos it's necessary for accuracy; 
 
i would be critical of many of your descriptions, 'cos they're too complex to follow for people who aren't you. 
it felt like you had four words at a time describing each item in a non-conventional way, and it was too much. 
don't change your style. stick with non-conventional description, but do more with less. 
a weaker description with two words that only half captures the feeling you want to convey is still better than a perfect four word description that the reader can't follow. 
 
couple of other minor things you should probably ignore: 
 
i didn't like "ebony canvas", 'cos ebony is wood and canvas is fabric and the result was a feeling of clashing materials. but that is probably just me. 
 
"law of three" how very Charming. i suspect you know better. ;)  
 
i liked the piece. i like the style. it does need some refinement and i look forward to a rewrite/more. 
rock on.

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