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By ErikaRain
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21 January 2008 |
Blue skies and stars
glimmer in the distance
And a full moons rays casting shadows
upon my hand as I write.
Lampposts light the street down below
With nary a soul walking.
A lonely, well-lit street
With cars parked alongside darkly-lit houses.
There’s stillness in the air.
The trees stand tall their leaves
and branches unmoving.
Dogs bark at a distance
As a cock crows,
Thoughts ...
Memories...
Creating a hazy scene of silence .
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Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 21st January 2008 | Could be the pedant in me - but blue skies glimmering? Well-lighted - I kept wanting to read well lit. Darkly-lit - an oxymoron? For me, this verges on creating a night scene and atmosphere. The small points above detracted but there's something else that stops the reader engaging fully. I think it might be the use of dated language constructions mixed with more modern things like cars. Towards the end, the cock crows signifying a passage of time - yet time doesn't seem to be passing in the rest of the piece - just a description of what is. I'm sure there's more in here somewhere. Phil. |
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