I spent a fortnight with my father after the accident. However, Mandalay had already leached into my bones. A part of Sir Walter dwelt in this castle. A part of him better than nothing. If only she could accept his falling in love with a lower-class girl. If only Mrs. McCaulay could forgive me for allowing Sir Walter to endeavor his dream. Her hatred toward me speaks more than I can bear.

The air smells musty. Rank! Why I've returned to this old castle bedevils me. What will become of me now? One thing I know for certain. I can't get him out of my mind. His bronze, weather-beaten face greets me in every room—his contagious laughter echoes throughout the halls. Our sole connection lies here at Mandalay. I want so to be here, to feel his presence, to await some indicating call. And yet....

Sir Walter McCauley—a most sought after young bachelor—disregarded scores of beautiful ladies imploring his notice. None of the women he met seemed to catch his attention. Could his lack of interest be an indication his concentration anchored elsewhere? Perhaps, he felt a call upon his life. Possibly, God placed a hand on his shoulder, directing him into the seminary. Then again, bachelorhood might prove adequate to ease his fears. To be unfettered, and not have to answer to scorn and jealousy like his father. Maybe, that was it?

His mother favoured one woman in particular. Lady Rebecca, daughter to her good friend, Mrs. Galloway out of Wales. A charming, rich and most beautiful choice, I thought, though the young woman came to be known as a bit of a shrew. Common folk caught wind of her manner by one of her own staff.

Everyone knew of the arrangement Lady McCauley intended. Today, by her influence, Sir Walter would ask Lady Rebecca for her hand in marriage with the whole countryside in audience. The electrifying ambiance intoxicated young and old alike. Young girls giggled in every nook. Daydreams flitted about like butterflies—a kaleidoscope of colours. Cinnamon smells wafted from the kitchen environs.

Finally, Lady Rebecca and Mrs. Galloway arrived. Their coach drawn by four dark-brown stallions, clattering their shoes on the hard surface of the driveway. All eyes fell on Lady Rebecca. Her scarlet dress swept the ground, and rustled in the breeze. A stunning display of rosy cheeks, auburn hair, and white teeth charmed the onlookers.

Everyone stood in awe at Lady Rebecca's beauty, soft voices forming opinions. Catching her heels in the sod nearly tripped her, all but ending her dignified stroll to the seating area. The eligible young bachelor, yet to be seen  might be screening himself, spying the display.  I thought, how could he not love this creature; this irresistible woman whom any young man would cheerfully meet his own demise.

At once, Sir Walter breezed in, strolled directly to Lady Rebecca, kissed her gloved hand, and continued his way, greeting those who attended the celebration. As he neared me, my mind soared.

His gray, penetrating eyes met mine, and I knew there could be no other. He bowed as he approached me, grasped my hand, kissed and clung to it not keen to let go. I entered another world; one I never believed existed except in fairy tales. I wondered whether he set out to play some sort of joke. Picking me out of the crowd at random to execute a humorous and taunting act to add to the performance on his stage. Could he be so cruel?

Completely embarrassed, my heart spiraled and fever pricked my cheeks. What would people think? For that matter, what would Lady Rebecca think? Might she be amused? Surely her thoughts of me would involve my youth, and my simplicity would undoubtedly conjure thoughts of a shallow girl without much sense. She would wait for the end of the skit, and be relieved when everyone burst out in laughter at my expense.

Sir Walter continued to greet all those who attended; all the while my hand fixed in his. Time flew. I felt like a marionette. Strings compelled me to move and dangle. In one way, I felt misused. In another, I loved every moment. I wondered when reality would set in. When he would leave my side and go to Lady Rebecca. I attempted to set his hand free so he would forget the act, but it wasn't any use. He clung to my arm as though he found a treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Finally, Lady Rebecca and Mrs. Galloway made their way through the crowd. She must feel awkward and tired of his audacity, I thought. Impatience melted her angelic appearance and now she looked akin to a tigress. A test of sorts he played, and all the while I thought it to be against me. The real Lady Rebecca came forth. Not the one who earlier stepped off the coach!

"Sir Walter! I have sent for my ride. Is there something you want to say before I leave?"

"Yes! There is something I want to say. Forgive me, please! I got so carried away."

I felt the play concluded. I knew this meant the end of Sir Walter clenching my hand; the end of his body pressing against mine. He raised his voice, and clapped his hands. "Listen! Please! May I have everyone's attention?" The loud clap traveled across the grounds. In moments, you could hear a leaf flutter to the ground.

"Thank you all for joining me this very special day. I want to thank Mother for putting on such an impressive event. Wasn't it grand? The festivity? The refreshments?"

Everyone joined him in applause. I proceeded to step out of sight. Lady Rebecca advanced in my place. About to make my escape before he announced his engagement—Sir Walter stepped out to grab me—once again clasping my hand.

"Miss. I don't even know your name."

I trembled. Tears blurred my vision. "Laurel! My name is Laurel."

"Please! You mustn't! I can't bear to see you in tears. Have I upset you in some way?" I shook my head. His hands searched his pockets, then he began to dab the stream I couldn't hold back, for I knew he would soon belong to another.

What a ninny! Couldn't even mask my emotions in the presence of the multitude. He must've been embarrassed. What did I expect? Lady Rebecca would have her prince charming. I, just a ridiculous memory. Someone who played the fool for a day.

He turned to the crowd, his voice with charge., "I must ask Lady Rebecca to forgive me. Please! I acted like a scoundrel."

Then he turned to Lady Rebecca. "But you see, the moment my eyes encountered this young lady's last week at the art festival,  I haven't been able to cast her out of my mind. It would be most unfair to marry you Lady Rebecca with another woman in my thoughts. My plans have been altered."

His eyes moved quickly to the crowd. "I want you all to meet Laurel. The moment our eyes met, I knew love found me."

Then his gaze met mine. "Laurel, you seemed to have dropped out of heaven. I know in my heart of hearts, there could be no other. I realize this is rather a hasty decision, but it would make me the happiest man on earth if you would consider becoming mine in marriage?"

Words could not be found. Tears would have to do. A simple, yes escaped and a floodgate opened once again. Everyone stood aghast. Why shouldn't they? I'd stolen a man from his lover. Or had it been an arrangement for the sake of money? Perhaps he thwarted his mother?Who knew?

If only we could climb a ladder and nestle in the billowy, soft clouds, I thought. Away from rumours whispered in the wind, giddy like white goose-feathers sailing about in consternation.  They could never be collected or dismissed. The thought humbled me.

                                                           ***

Mrs. McCauley bides in her tufted, spindled bed. Burgundy curtains drape her bed posts and gather with rope and tassel at each pillar. Molly, the maid, ventures to open the shades to allow light to seep in, but Mrs. McCauley will not have it. A red-rose china cup three-quarters filled with tea sits on the bed table. She has lost touch with the outside world. Her deep-set eyes, with no particular colour, stare trancelike.

I know she hates me. She thinks I'm to blame. I am to blame. If only I could relive the past. She must know I hurt more than she. My life empty, perplexed. I sit by her side. After all, she is all I have left of him. I touch her hand. She moves it from me. Still has enough sense. My responsibility should be to care for her, but his voice calls out to me.

"Laurel! Laurel! Come! I need you. Please come!" I must leave. These words bait at me in never ending ripples.

I cannot stand it any longer. The sea beckons. Selfish desires poke at me. They're stronger than the needs of his mother.

My feet manage to carry me down the staircase, and toward the cliff, though I stumble and fall in emotional strain. How can my love for him and her hatred of me  remain locked together in this prison?

I step to the edge of the rocky cliff, my dress flapping against my legs in the breeze, my hair whipping in the wind. On the seascape, a mighty storm brews. The wind winnows.  Fog and heavy gray clouds, saturated in droplets, moistens my skin and I'm drenched through and through. The breaking of the waves and his voice taunt me.

"Don't be afraid. Leap! I will catch you." I stare into the deep, dark waters far below. Time has come for us to be together again.

It is here, where Sir Walter and I spent hours together, sitting on the cliff, and daring the other to take that dive few have dared. It is here where we exposed our flesh to the mysterious, mesmerizing sea. Where we executed love to its fullest. Where he seized the opportune moment, and carried out his adventurous intent.

His mission—to plunge into the deep, blue sea at a height most feared—not knowing what awaited him at the bottom. This pursuit would be the pinnacle. I wonder why he didn't clasp my hand as always. Had he, we would still be together.

I waited for him to surface! Nearly went mad, crawling and sliding down greasy rocks. "Walter!" The only answer came from the crash of the waves. My eyes scanned the dark setting."Walter!" His face appeared in the haze. I jumped in and swam towards the vision in a vigorous hunt. Finally, the truth gripped me. Walter wasn't coming back. The sea swallowed him.
                                                              ***

His appeal persistently reaches my ears. This afternoon, I will meet him,  embrace him once again, and not disappoint him a second time. My fidelity must be proven. I shall not fail him this time.