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Poetry
The Old Man
By DressedInPoetry
23 January 2008

This is more a poem for me than anything.


“Why are you running?”

the old man asked me.

I blinked.

“I am not running,”

I replied.

But the old man just smiled

That annoying, all-knowing smile

Which infuriated me so.

“You are always running,”

the old man informed me.

I shook my head

And his smile grew larger.

“Not literally, of course,”

the old man revised.

“But why are you running?”

I did not answer.

“Did someone hurt you?”

“No,” I answered

Too quickly.

The old man’s smile faded,

Replaced with something I hate even more.

“My poor butterfly,”

the old man cooed,

Stretching out his arm

To touch me on the hand,

“You have had your wings stolen

by a child who thought they were pretty

And wanted them for his own.

Now you cannot fly without them.”

I looked down.

“My wings were not stolen,”

I informed the old man,

“I just prefer walking on the solid ground

To floating along at the mercy of the wind.”

The old man laughed.

“But that is the fun part,”

the old man said,

“Letting go and seeing where you end up.”

“And what happens when I get into trouble

Because I just let go?”

I argued.

“Well, you rely on the wind to change

And get you back out,”

the old man replied.

“And if it does not change

And leads me further into trouble?”

I asked the old man.

The old man studied my face.

“I see now,”

the old man finally said,

“I thought maybe you ran

Because you wanted to chase your dreams.

But now I see.

You run because you are fleeing from your nightmares.”

I turned away completely

And left the old man behind.

Reviews

Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 23rd January 2008
Hi, 
If all your pieces are like this, then we have a new voice in our midst. 
I just love this. 
Some might say it is prose. 
Or prose in verse form. 
And that is a valid argument. 
But prose, unless it is the greatest prose, lacks the ability to convey so much in so little. 
And so it must be poetry. 
This is such an age-old argument that I haven't the mental dexterity, or ability, to unravel it. 
Enough to say that, for me, this is poetry. 
(And I, the old curmudgeon). 
PTV 

Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 23rd January 2008
Whereas for me - it is most definitely prose. I had a think and asked myself what cutting the lines up added to the piece - and I decided it just interupted the flow in places. 
 
That's not to say it's an unworthy piece. In fact I quite like the way it starts - but very soon I tired of the repetitiveness. PTV's probably right - if a little over stated - it is an old argument - but this doesn't bring anything new to it. 
 
Perhaps just me. Sorry. 
 
Phil 
 

Written by DressedInPoetry (23 comments posted) 23rd January 2008
That is why I love poetry; it is subjective. Some of my friends refuse to call anything a poem unless it rhymes, and others say that it must have a steady rhythm. As for me, I think that it is completely up to the author (and the readers) to decide.  
 
I label this as poetry rather than prose, because I would never ever use the repetitiveness in a story. I normally don't use it in poems either, but I felt like it in this one. However, I could see it being prose, but then I would feel like I'd have to add some details and length to it, and I am always afraid to edit something too much in case it loses its essence. 
 
Thank you for the reviews. I love all critiques, I promise.

Written by Amelia (36 comments posted) 23rd January 2008
I really liked this poem. After reading it a few times, it seems more complex than the initial metaphor the reader sees of a girl too afraid to risk freedom and failure. Your writing style and the dialogue between the old and new made it seem like a fable or folk tale- this added a timeless quality to your already ringing style. I also liked your unexpected ending. Wonderful work. 
 
Amelia

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 24th January 2008
excellent

Written by DressedInPoetry (23 comments posted) 24th January 2008
Thank you all!

Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 24th January 2008
I agree with Phil. I would call this prose. But does it matter? It's both text and it had an interesting content. Interestingly enough it seemed something I was just thinking about myself: One can either run away from his fears or pursue his desires. The latter is obviously the healthier attitude. A strange coincidence that I should read this just when I was thinking about that. 
 
So were did the narrator run for next? away from his nightmares or towards his dreams?
If you care about old men
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 25th January 2008
You should make your font larger. 
 
It's a bugger to read. 
 
Oli :upset

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