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By DressedInPoetry
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25 January 2008 |
The shade of my hair
(Which changes every six weeks)
And the style of my clothes
(From the black tees to the collared shirts)
Do not define me.
No, it is you who defines me,
You who places me in a box with everyone else
Who has non-natural colored hair
And wears whatever they like.
Then you call me things,
Label me,
Claim that is who I am,
That is my identity.
Yet if you looked within my mind
(Filled with dreams similar to your own)
You would be able to see
That objects do not define me.
Your words do not define me.
For I, I am completely
I D N
N I A
E F BLE.
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Written by Amelia (30 comments posted) 24th January 2008 | I had an image of you in my mind, and it is exactly like how you describe yourself here. You remind me a lot of a friend of mine, who I'm in drama club with. You have very similar personalities. And hair color. That's a good thing.
Anyway, the poem: It seemed very honest and straight-forward. It's exactly what you're thinking. And so, although this subject is used a lot, your honesty validates it. You express your ideas clearly. I especially like the third stanza, and I'd love to see you develop the idea in the second line more. It is your poem, but I think that a better place to end the poem, rather than with a statement about yourself, would be with a statement about how you are similar to the very people who choose to alienate and categorize you. This idea seems to be the key to the poem, and what would make it stand out.
Hope this was helpful
Amelia |
Written by Fledermaus (3306 comments posted) 25th January 2008 | From the title I expected something else: An obsession with jewelry, (preferably gold), high heeled shoes (preferably prada) and expensive handbags (preferably gucci), or else, from a philosophical point of view, the antithesis of idealism and dualism...
We all stick labels onto people. It's something humans (and I presume many animals too) do. Without it the world would be chaos.
If you narrow down and split up each category though, you'll end up with individuals. And the whole tick is to look further than the initial label.
According the existentialists one IS nothing until you HAS BEEN something. I label them vague French philosophers with to much time. But then, maybe they're right 
The scramble of letters in the end does look a bit anarchistic, but it seems unnecessary. |
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 25th January 2008 | Well, I do quite like this (paticularly the end line - how we all differ, F'maus!).
And the differing is the point of the piece!
But I think the style of language is too much in the realm of prose, again.
Sorry to repeat that ever-grumbling remark.
Just keep on writing, though. You can never write too much.
PTV x |
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