READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1196 guests online and 3 members online
Poetry
Solitary
By patterjack
26 January 2008
From the bottom of the wastepaperbasket

Solitary

Nine crows had flapped their way in from the west.
Three large, who led in precise arrowhead lines;
six stragglers behind,all trying their very best
to maintain crowdom's aerial designs.

One of them gave up the chase and flopped  
on the roof of a building two doors further down
and there, calling plaintively, glottal-stopped,
besought the return of the others onward flown.

And yet, despite its obvious corvine anguish,
(whether  male or female I cannot say)
the others have left it there alone to languish
mournfully in its lonely avian way.

I will consider its plight with deference,
but prefer to avoid a personal reference.

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1652 comments posted) 26th January 2008
I wondered where this was going but the last two lines pack a real punch; no self-pity but rather a personal reserve as a reason for the poet's own solitude.

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 26th January 2008
I hope to god I was meant to, but I smiled at the last two. 
 
Liked this Brian. One of the things I admire about you proper poets - as opposed to the likes of me, who play around the edges - is the light touch you have with rhyme. The rhymes are there but they don't leap off 
the page and assault the reader. I've no idea how you achieve this - which is why I'll always enjoy poetry but never write a masterpiece. 
 
Phil. 

Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 26th January 2008
I loved it Brian.  
 
I'm sure you've written of crows before (or was it magpies). I love the symbolism. A moment of significance, a wry smile. 
 
Hesitate before using that wastepaperbasket.  
 
Oli :)

Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 27th January 2008
I, too, admire this poem, as I do much of Brian's writing. 
 
It was clever to avoid a personal reference, but we got the message all the same.
Thanks audrie
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 27th January 2008
The last two lines are indeed a bit devious , and hint rather broadly at a mock modesty . 
 
patterjack 
 

Written by Veronica_Milvus (704 comments posted) 2nd February 2008
I think this is a really well-crafted poem and the rhythm of it really sings out. And I agree about the poignant last lines. I'm going to read some more of your work!
Rare treat
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3445 comments posted) 2nd February 2008
I really loved the way you used the rhyme in the poem to lighten and subvert the melancholy theme and introduce a little gallows humour. 
I thought it was a clever way to use rhyme and give it a bit of extra work to do,without the rhyme it would have been a different poem, I think. I felt you were using it as subtext and trying to tell us more.Things like this make me realise how complex and subtle poetry can be [in the hand of an experienced practitioner] I had to read it a couple of times to pick up on it. The last two lines left me with a wry smile. I know I shouldn’t compare but after reading a few of the poems on GW this was a little treat as well as a learning experience 
 

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item