From the bottom of the wastepaperbasket
Solitary
Nine crows had flapped their way in from the west.
Three large, who led in precise arrowhead lines;
six stragglers behind,all trying their very best
to maintain crowdom's aerial designs.
One of them gave up the chase and flopped
on the roof of a building two doors further down
and there, calling plaintively, glottal-stopped,
besought the return of the others onward flown.
And yet, despite its obvious corvine anguish,
(whether male or female I cannot say)
the others have left it there alone to languish
mournfully in its lonely avian way.
I will consider its plight with deference,
but prefer to avoid a personal reference.
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Written by fellpony (1652 comments posted) 26th January 2008 |
| I wondered where this was going but the last two lines pack a real punch; no self-pity but rather a personal reserve as a reason for the poet's own solitude. |
Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 26th January 2008 |
I hope to god I was meant to, but I smiled at the last two. Liked this Brian. One of the things I admire about you proper poets - as opposed to the likes of me, who play around the edges - is the light touch you have with rhyme. The rhymes are there but they don't leap off the page and assault the reader. I've no idea how you achieve this - which is why I'll always enjoy poetry but never write a masterpiece. Phil.
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Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 26th January 2008 |
I loved it Brian. I'm sure you've written of crows before (or was it magpies). I love the symbolism. A moment of significance, a wry smile. Hesitate before using that wastepaperbasket. Oli |
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 27th January 2008 |
I, too, admire this poem, as I do much of Brian's writing. It was clever to avoid a personal reference, but we got the message all the same. |
Thanks audrie Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 27th January 2008 |
The last two lines are indeed a bit devious , and hint rather broadly at a mock modesty . patterjack
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (704 comments posted) 2nd February 2008 |
| I think this is a really well-crafted poem and the rhythm of it really sings out. And I agree about the poignant last lines. I'm going to read some more of your work! |
Rare treat Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3445 comments posted) 2nd February 2008 |
I really loved the way you used the rhyme in the poem to lighten and subvert the melancholy theme and introduce a little gallows humour. I thought it was a clever way to use rhyme and give it a bit of extra work to do,without the rhyme it would have been a different poem, I think. I felt you were using it as subtext and trying to tell us more.Things like this make me realise how complex and subtle poetry can be [in the hand of an experienced practitioner] I had to read it a couple of times to pick up on it. The last two lines left me with a wry smile. I know I shouldn’t compare but after reading a few of the poems on GW this was a little treat as well as a learning experience
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