Susan felt numb, drawn of all feelings, except an overwhelming sense of grief. She placed the letter and photograph on the telephone desk at the bottom of the stairs.
Earlier, on returning from her shopping trip, she'd called Dave, her husband, to check he was still in the office.
"What would you like for dinner darling?" was her excuse.
"I thought we'd dine out tonight, to celebrate." Was his reply
"Okay." And she hung up, not really needing an answer. She no longer had anything to celebrate with him.
Susan climbed the stairs to the landing, where she'd set up the step ladders. She unhooked the light fitting from the ceiling hook and rested it on the top step so as not to pull the wires out through the ceiling. She returned to the loft where she'd squirted oil on the thread of the ceiling hook earlier. The nut began to unscrew, which before the tip from the young assistant in the hardware shop hadn't wanted to budge.
"I have a ceiling hook on my landing but I need it to carry a bit more weight. Can you suggest anything to make it stronger?" was her enquiry at the shop. Lying wasn't one of her strongest points so she kept it as close to the truth as possible.
"Well," the assistant thought a minute. "If you can get access to the nut in the loft you can span an iron plate across the joists. Should carry loads more weight then. We can cut one here for you too. Oh, best give the nut a bit of oil to help loosen it first though."
"Yes, that would be very good of you, thank you." Then she'd added. "Could I have a length of that rope too?"  She pointed to the roll of blue nylon behind the counter.
The young lad had a pleasant smile on his face. Normally he'd only serve a pensioner looking for a fuse or something more mundane. To actually give advice to a customer was a rarity and his enthusiasm was clear.
"A piece the same length from here to the shop door should be enough." She said.
He assessed the distance and cut a piece he thought long enough, adding a bit extra to make sure.
While waiting for the plate she wondered what the assistant would've said if she told him what it was really for. Innocence is a wonderful thing, she thought. It's a shame growing older would so cruelly change that for him.
As the nut reached the end of the thread she held onto the bolt so it didn't fall through to the landing below. The flat iron plate was placed over the end of the bolt through the hole he'd drilled in the middle and it sat nicely across the two joists. After tightening the nut back on, she climbed out of the loft, pushed the ladder back up and closed the hatch.
The light fitting simply hooked back on leaving enough room for the rope to thread through. And it was ready.
As she came down the step ladder and looking over the balcony she noticed the post had arrived during her absence in the loft. Two brown and one pink. She knew what the brown ones were. But the brief curiosity regarding the pink one caused her to miss the last step on the ladder and almost go head first over the balcony.
Whoa that was close, she thought.
The rope threaded through the ring of the hook nicely. The knot she tied was out of a library book she'd got out that morning. What a reminder for her husband about this day when they wrote to inform her that it was overdue.
She tied the knot twice to ensure it wouldn't undo under the sudden strain and threw the other end over the balcony.
She went downstairs to get a marker pen. She reached up as high as she could up the rope and put a mark there.
Susan glanced again at the pink envelope but didn't wish to know who was sending her Birthday wishes. No distractions please.
She made her way back upstairs, pulled up the rope and tied the other knot at the point where she'd marked. The picture in the book made it look easy, but it took a couple of attempts to get it right. Neither time did it come into her head to stop what she was doing.
Looking at her watch she reckoned on at least another hour until Dave would be home to his wife's welcome. Not wanting to waste a tank full of hot water she decided to run a bath. She placed the rope on the landing and went into the bathroom.
"To take away the aches and pains of a hard day." Were the words on the bath oils bottle.
"No more aches, no more pains" she said to herself, and watched the bubbles begin to appear under the running taps.
After testing the water she stepped in and lay among the bubbles. Her mind drifted back to what she'd read in the letter and to what she once thought was her unhappiest moment in her life. Until today.
"Come with me Susan. We could be training together. You never know we may both get to the Olympics." Peter, her first true love, had been asked to train abroad. An opportunity too big to miss, he said. But it was too soon. She had to finish college and being only seventeen her father wouldn't have let her go.
How she wished she hadn't told him how selfish he was to even think of going and leaving her. Running off in tears she never heard from him again.
She'd seen reports about his successes, and how he was expected to win gold at the next Olympics. A couple of years later he was competing in a televised event which she was eagerly awaiting to watch. That was until she heard Dave's key in the door and had to switch the television off.
Getting married to Dave just after eighteenth birthday seemed right at the time. He showed her kindness since Peter broke her heart. Her parents liked him and he had a good steady job.
Probably due to her intense training at the time, she didn't see much of him. Dave didn't seem to rate Diving as a sport, but he supported her obsession. She would be at those Olympic Games even if it killed her.
All of her hard work paid off and the games came so quickly. However, the event was marred by the absence of Peter. He'd sustained an injury a couple of weeks before the games and would not be taking part in the men's competition. Her only consolation was that he may see her on the television.
The heats, the semi final, and her final dive for a medal. It was all for him. Seeing Dave after the medal ceremony didn't compare to how she wished Peter had been the one hugging her, kissing her, swinging her around in celebration. But he wasn't.
After the games, maybe through guilt of how she had put Dave second to Peter, she didn't compete again. She'd just settled into her marriage. They had no children. They'd never brought it up. It was just a happy relationship. She'd even stopped looking at the sports page in an attempt to forget Peter.
 She got out of the bath and wrapped the towel around her as she went through to the bedroom, glancing at the rope as she passed it on the landing. Her eyes caught the letter below and the words echoed in her head.
"Dear Susan,
You don't know me, but I had the pleasure of being Peter's wife for the last fifteen years. I had no knowledge of your existence until his untimely death last month and found some cuttings and a photo of you when you had been competing all those years ago. With them was a letter. Unopened when I found it, but you will excuse me, I have read it. I loved him totally, even though I knew his feelings for me weren't as deep. Finding these things I now realise why. I feel we have both lost someone very special and that you should have them as Peter would have wanted that. I just thank myself lucky to have spent such a wonderful time with him.
My best wishes to you.
Suzanne."
Susan had dropped the letter and its contents when she first read this. Tears flooding down her face she'd picked them up and saw the photo. It was her, on the podium collecting her medal. He had been there after all.
She didn't think her heart could take any more but read his letter. It was dated a couple of days after she had run off in tears. The last time she'd seen him.
"My Darling Susan,
Please forgive me for not giving this letter to you myself. After Dave has given it to you could you please let him know if you wish to see me again. I will understand if you don't and will move abroad with a big part of me missing. You. I just wanted to tell you that no matter where I train I really believe the Olympics are where I am going. That also applies if I stay here, but without you I see no point. So please give me your reply and who knows, together we could both make it.
Always yours
Peter XXX"
It took a couple of seconds to sink in. Dave knew how much she loved Peter and hadn't given her this letter. The excuse he gave to Peter and the returned letter, unopened, must've made him think she didn't want to know him anymore. How untrue that was.
For the second time in her life she felt her heart shatter.
The days since reading it had been a blur. She wished Dave dead instead of Peter. She wanted to cause Dave the same amount of pain she was feeling.
She wanted his heart to shatter.
And this is how she found herself at this moment in time.
Looking in the wardrobe she removed the plastic covering from the costume she wore at the games. She wanted Dave to see her as Peter, her true love, last saw her. The letters and photo would explain why.
Walking back onto the landing Susan picked up the rope. She pulled herself up onto the balcony handrail and stood erect. Her eyes were looking dead ahead at the framed picture of her entering the water at the perfect angle. The Gold medal she'd won for that dive hung from a hook just below.
The noose slipped over her head and she pulled it tight on her neck.
Her balance was still there after all this time as she lifted her arms out to her sides.
All she heard in her head was the crowd applauding, roaring their admiration of such a wonderful athlete. And then silence.
She felt the crowd knew it was time for her final dive. She'd already won the competition, but they knew this one was for them. She knew it was for the embrace once again of Peter.
She kept it as the crowd last saw her. Lifting herself up onto tip toes Susan leaned forward into a graceful swan dive. She felt the cheers and applause of the Olympic crowd begin once again around her as she held that perfect position, until the rope went taut and yanked her head back. Breaking her neck as her body followed through.
She knew in the split second before dying, it was another perfect ten and this time Peter's embrace would be waiting.