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Extended Work
The Red Devils - Chapter 1
By jean.day
27 January 2008
Real people, real places, real events, but the story line is fiction.  Don't you dare correct the American spellings.

It was a clear crispy day as we walked home from school together, and my friends and my sister couldn’t stop talking for the excitement of it all.

“Who will you write about?” asked Albertina Fridle. She was the eldest of our little group, and never seemed to have ideas of her own. With a name like that, you would think she would be the most original person around, but such was not the case.

“I thought Lincoln would be the easiest to do, and Miss Marble did suggest him,” said Josephine Secor, who was 17, the same age as my sister.

“Oh, everyone will be doing Lincoln. Or I should say everyone who can’t think for themselves. I cannot imagine Miss Marble would give a very high mark for that. And how could you think of anything to say that hadn’t already been said and read a million times. I know he visited here in Bridgeport - so perhaps your parents actually saw him, did they?” asked my older sister Cora Sue.

“No, we weren’t living here then. We come from Illinois,” replied Josephine.

“I could have laughed aloud at the expression on Miss Marble’s face when you asked her if it couldn’t be a woman,” she added, turning to me. “Anyway, you are being very quiet. Have you thought of any famous women besides the ones you rattled off in class - Queen Victoria, Maria Antoinette and Saccacawea.”

“She shouldn’t have said what she did,” I countered.

“Everybody knows about it. It shouldn’t still be worrying you now,” said Josephine meaning to be helpful but in fact annoying me all the more.


“Why don’t you write about Mr. Bennett? He might invite us to interview him in New York and take us around his newspaper office. You’d like that wouldn’t you, with your writing aspirations?”

“Yes, that is a good idea, and Mr. Bennett is properly famous. But I think I will write about Pa. But going to New York and finding out more from Mr. Bennett is a smashing idea.”

We had traversed the snowy streets by now and were just about at our front door. The house we were renting was a big wooden structure with clapboard sides. We said our goodbyes to our friends who live a bit further down the road, and Cora Sue and I went in.

“Gracious me, shut that door as quickly as you can and don’t let all my hot air out,”said Aunt Lillie. No need to guess what she’d been doing because the house was full of the lucious smell of home baked bread and coffeecake.

“Grandma’s feeling a bit perkier today, so I thought we’d have a bit of a  party later, and you can try my poppyseed cake.”

Grandma had her 76th birthday not long ago, and although she is nearly blind, and fairly crippled with arthritis, she keeps in a pretty good humor most of the time. But Christmas is always hard on her because she misses our family back in Wisconsin so much.

We’ve been here almost two years now, since Lillie and William got married. He heard that there were job prospects out here, and with him having cousins here, we made the huge decision and moved out here to start life all over again. I miss La Crosse too, but even though our winters here seem just as cold, they don’t seem to last quite so long.

After we got out of our school clothes we went back into the kitchen where we knew we would find Grandma in her favorite rocker.

“Anything exciting happen at school today girls?” she asked, as we both went over to kiss her on the cheek.

“We have a huge assignment which will count as 50% of our final grade. We have to write an essay of at least 10,000 words about What Famous Person I Would Most Like to Meet.”

“That sounds a big assignment. Have you decided who you will write about yet?”

“No, but we have thought seriously about Mr. Bennett, and Mattie says she wants to write about Dad, but I don’t think she should.”

“Mattie dear, it would stir up such memories if you did. Do you think you could cope with thinking about all that again and then writing about it and having other people read it?”

“He was famous. And I would like to meet him,” I said firmly. “I will give it a go, and if I find it too emotional, I will switch to Mr. Bennett.”

“But I wanted to do Mr. Bennett,” said Cora Sue.

“I know who you could do - Mr. Barnum, the circus man. Not many towns have their own circus man to interview. He certainly is famous, and I’m sure he would give you an interview.”

“Would you come with me if he agreed? I couldn’t do it on my own.”

“Yes, of course, I would, and it might help me with my writing too, because he has some Indians in his show.”

“Which kind of Indians?” said Lillie, shortly, spilling her coffee and getting very agitated at the way the conversation was going.

“I don’t know, but you can’t blame all the Indians in the world because of what happened to Pa.”

“He called them Red Devils and that is good enough reason for me to stay clear of all of them. I really wish you wouldn’t do your project on that.”

I went over with the dishcloth and wiped up the spilled coffee.

“Oh, Aunt Lillie, come and sit down and rest your poor feet. Have another cup of coffee and some of your delicious coffee cake. You mustn’t get yourself all in a stew what with the baby coming and all. How long is it that you’ve got now?”

“That’s called changing the subject, Martha Grace Kellogg, and you know it full well,” but she laughed, and the subject was dropped for the time being.

But I knew I was going to do it. I needed to do it, for me, for Pa, for Mr. Bennett, but maybe most of all for the Red Devils themselves. After we had finished I went upstairs to my bedroom and got out my notebook, and wrote down the title,

If I Could Meet Someone Famous, Who Would It Be?
by Mattie G Kellogg, aged 16
Essay for English Composition, Bridgeport High School,
Bridgeport, Connecticut, USA
January 5, 1870

Reviews

Written by Lizzy (800 comments posted) 27th January 2008
Jean, I'm hooked. 
A really good beginning which leaves me itching to know more! 
It has a bit of a feel of 'Little Women' about it. Not sure yet whether it's set at the same time. 
Looking forward to the next chapter. 
Lizzy
Thanks Lizzy
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 28th January 2008
I'm sorry the paragraphs were bunched together, and have fixed it now. I'm pleased you think it has appeal. 
 
I am off to the States for a fortnight, to visit my son and sister, but can do research on the book while I am there, so hopefully I can get on with writing it again when I get back.

Written by Fledermaus (3301 comments posted) 28th January 2008
"Queen Victoria, Maria Antoinette and Saccacawea." Isn't the last one you mention a Native American btw? Would be a nice provocation too: Woman AND Indian and if I'm correct, an adventurous one too... 
 
The title did make me think of Belgium's national soccer team rather than Indians though... So after the Maori it's now the native Americans? :)

Written by bluecity (377 comments posted) 28th January 2008
Hello again, Jean.  
 
This is an interesting story. Like Lizzy, I did think it had the "Little Women" feel to it. A great family feel. 
 
"Red Devils"? I keep thinking of Manchester United.  
 
Also "Miss Marble". I keep thinking about Agatha Christie's "Miss Marple". 
 
But I loved the names Albertina and Cora Sue.  
 
I'm also wondering about this assignment the girls are doing. 10,000 words does seem an awful lot for 16 year olds and they didn't have a word count, you know. Wouldn't they be asked for so many pages of full-scap? But I can see that American girls might be asked to write an essay on "famous Americans". 
 
Anyway, that's me the critical one again.  
 
Looking forward to the next chapter! 
 
Rosemary 
 
 
 
 

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 14th February 2008
noticed you'd posted chapter two, so I came back to have a look at this. 
 
You've set up the hook pretty well. 
 
Hope you enjoyed your trip. 
 
Phil.
Hello
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 16th March 2008
Hello Jean - Well, I've just read your first chapter, and now I have learned something: the Red Devils are not parachutists after all, but red Indians. Your story is interesting and kept me reading. You have opened up the story very nicely and am keen to read the next chapter.
Thanks Josie
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 16th March 2008
It never even occurred to me that people might make that connection. But I guess that is because I was so involved in what I was writing.

Written by rachel1983 (12 comments posted) 22nd March 2008
I really like this.  
As somebody has previously said im hooked! cant wait to read on. 
I also agree with the point about the 10,000 words. It did jump out to me as that was my task for my university degree so did seem a little far fetched for the characters. 
I loved it though and cant wait to read on! 
:grin
Thanks Rachel
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 23rd March 2008
In the end, Mattie's essay (which I had to write in order to make the story plausible) was well over 15,000 words. But a lot of it was copied from newspapers - so the creative element wouldn't have been more than about half of it.
Nice story!
Written by beatricelouise (215 comments posted) 29th March 2008
Hi jean.day, 
I thought I would start at the beginning so that I could analyse the whole story as you go along. The word 'smashing' would not be a word Americans would use. And Miss Marble is too close to Miss Marple in the Agatha Christie series. You can always change these in your revising if you so chose. Just a couple of things that I noted as I read chapter 1. My story called The Tattered Rose, is very similar in some aspects. Hardly anyone read it and one suggested it was a children's story. Your story seems to have that same flair. But I still find it interesting. Maybe you could have a look at my 1st and 2nd parts when you get a chance. I will continue to read yours. Deal? :grin :grin :grin

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