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Extended Work
The gallant knight (Ch. 4)
By Fledermaus
28 January 2008

Lin was even smaller than his stepsister and as always, she was wearing her pink jacket and a skirt that revealed just how skinny her legs were. For some time he had wondered if it was because ofher size that she had to buy her clothes at the children's department, but often when the two girls went shopping together, they both returned with pink and fluffy or glittery things.

" Pearl?", she asked.

" She's inside. A bit grumpy..."

" Thanks."

She bit her lower lip and stepped inside. He noticed her boots had high heels and thick soles, probably intended to make her look taller. They seemed out of place with the rest of her clothes though as they looked far too sexy. Or rather, they would have looked too sexy if they had been worn by anyone else than Lin with her skinny legs.

She staggered inside clumsily and he considered that she probably wasn't used to this foot-wear yet.

" Hi Pearl."

" Hello Lin."

He had never seen his stepsister's give someone such an icy look. Quickly he began to gather the plates, bowls, saucers and cups from the dinner table. This was girl's business and they wouldn't need him soon.

He retreated to the kitchen and closed the door to allow them some sense of privacy, but he could still hear them talking.

" I'm so sorry."

There seemed to be no reaction and he imagined his stepsister staring out of the window to avoid Lin's gaze. She could be terrible stubborn when it came to accepting someone's apologies.

" Really. It was stupid. I should have been there for you. I'm so sorry Pearl."

" Hm."

" Can I do anything to make up with you?"

" No."

" Please?"

He turned on the tap and put the plug into the drain. Someone had to do the dishes...

" I was selfish OK? And stupid and silly..."

There was silence and after a while he heard the short, noisy breath of someone who was sobbing. Great... Two crying girls. He would do the dishes very slowly.

" Did you know about him and May?"

" No. There was nothing between them until yesterday. I think they both got drunk and it just happened."

" Just like that?"

Hot water filled the sink and he threw some of the cutlery. He shouldn't be eavesdropping. The girls had to sort out their little soap-opera themselves. Pearl had quarrelled with Lin before, although never in a similar context. He wasn't sure about what Lin knew and what not. She usually seemed to be pretty well informed about all sorts of gossip. It was one of the things that bothered him about that 'community'; that some people seemed to know everything about each other and that rumours spread so quickly. By now they'd probably all know that Pearl had fled from the club with a tearful face and he imagined that he would himself be mentioned too. It was one of the main reasons why he had objected to the boy, even before he knew his reputation. 

A smell of lemon filled the kitchen while the bubbles appeared on the water's surface. He heard the girls laugh and wondered how quickly moods could change.

Reviews

Written by bluecity (376 comments posted) 28th January 2008
Excellent description of Lin. Also, nice to hear Pearl's name again. 
 
I like the way you told part of the story through closed doors, also that you managed, very effectively, not to relate the whole conversation, only the bits that mattered. The lemon washing-up liquid and the bubbles add colour. 
 
I'm still a little worried about the conversational style of the two teenagers. Teenagers do tend to gush. 
 
I'm also starting to enjoy the character of the mc, very caring and understanding, but what does he do apart from observe Pearl? I think he needs something else
 
Your last but one paragraph was tantalising. What does Lin know? What 'community'? And he's already "objecting to the boy".  
 
Thanks for your comments on Home Life. And, yes, blonde hair is recessive. (I've just looked it up.) Never thought of that aspect before. Thank you for pointing it out. 
 
You keep making comments about the Englishness of Home Life. Well, it is. Just to satisfy my curiosity, do you mind me asking: where are you from, Fledermaus? 
 
Looking forward to the next. 
 
Rosemary

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 29th January 2008
Thanks Rosemary. 
The annoying thing is that since I set out without a plot I have no idea where this is going. I seem to be making things up on the spot, something that does work when writing a short story, but seems to lead to trouble writing something extended... Hopefully a new chapter comes forth from the questions raised in this one and I won't end up with a forest of questions.

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 3rd February 2008
This is progressing fine, Fledermaus. I do think writing without somekind of progression is a risky business. You could invest loads of time and effort only to hit a brick wall. I enjoy writers like Dickens who heavily foreshadow plot. A modern equivalent would be John Irving. In previous chapters - whether by design or accident - there were definite hints of sexual tension between step brother and sister. With the taboos involved, this could be a fruitful plot line to exploit. Allied to that - there are other sub plots already there. Lin seems lie a pretty shallow character who could cause all sorts of problems. There are cultural aspects you could introduce. I don't know if there are still marriage contracts in the Chinese community - but that would complicate matters further. I guess that in the end, the plot has to sit happily with you as you're the one who has to develop it. Just some ideas. 
 
Phil

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 3rd February 2008
Thanks Phil. Risky indeed, and I'm afraid I might hit that wall soon. I'll see where it goes. For now it's mainly character driven, so once they stop talking and acting, it might go wrong... writing this way did work with a number of short stories, but I'm not sure if this was the best experiment to start out with for my first extended work. 
 
Marriage contracts aren't common amongst Chinese in the West (as far as I know), but I do think some more traditional families are very protective.

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 3rd February 2008
With marriage contract you mean things like arranged marriages and professional matchmakers, right?

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 3rd February 2008
Yep. I'm guessing it used to happen and that more traditional families may continue. 
Phil.

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 3rd February 2008
Hi again Phil, 
With 'protective' I rather meant that some traditional people seem to have a lot of expectations about their children's boyfriends/girlfriends and that they expect things of them that most European parents don't seem to worry about so much.

Written by Lizzy (793 comments posted) 4th February 2008
Some nice developments of character but I would like to know a bit more about 'him' 
I think it's becoming slightly claustrophobic, unless that is what you intend,  
Lizzy

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 4th February 2008
Thanks Lizzy. Perhaps he needs a name too, but I'll see what i can do.

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