The following interview was conducted by my nephew Stone Rather who is currently a journalism student at SPU.  He wants to follow in his uncles footsteps and become an extremely popular web publisher so I decided to give him a shot.  Criz

Stone: Good morning.  Please have a seat.

Death: Thank you. 

Stone: Do you need someone to take your sickle?

Death: It’s a Scythe, and no.

Stone: I mean, you call it one thing I call it another.

Death: Look, I have been fighting this linguistic fallacy for centuries.  Yes they are used for the same function, but a sickle is much shorter than a scythe.  Also, there is a big difference with respect to how intimidating one looks over the other. 

Stone: Why do you feel the need to look intimidating? 

Death: Well, death is kind of scary, wouldn’t you agree?

Stone: Well—yeah, I suppose so.

Death: How would you like it if death showed up in a clown suit?

Stone: That would be creepy.  Would you still be carrying a scythe?

Death: I don’t know, I wouldn’t think so.

Stone: I mean a clown with a scythe would really freak me out, especially if the clown had sad paint on.

Death: Sad paint?

Stone: You know, the painted on frown and tear, and then the scythe on top of that.

Death: I get your point.  That would probably be pretty scary.  But isn’t the whole death shroud with a scythe pretty scary as well?

Stone: Sure, but the clown thing.

Death: Lets drop the clown thing; I am not going to be wearing a clown outfit any time in the near future, this is the traditional uniform and the idea that it might change to anything else is preposterous.  But lets be serious, it isn’t what death wears that is important.  I could show up in a Santa suit and the result would be the same, the ending of a life.

Stone: A Santa suit?  That would be scary too, especially if the Santa carried a scythe.

Death: You’re really fixated on the Scythe aren’t you.  --- Look you’re missing the point.  I was just using the Santa suit as an example of what isn’t important. 

Stone: But you were the one who brought up looks.  The whole intimidation factor you know.

Death: Okay, I admit that there is something to the look, but that isn’t the focus of the job. 

Stone: That being?

Death: To kill people.

Stone: Oh yes, with the scythe.  Do you actually stab people with your scythe?  Do you swing it and bury the blade in someone’s chest?

Death: Actually the scythe is mostly symbolic.  All that I really need to do is touch the customer and their spirit leaves them to sit at judgment…

Stone: Judgment???  Let’s not change the subject now.  No reason to get all religious on me, separation of church and state you know.

Death: But…

Stone: Back to the scythe, perhaps you use it to slash at your victims?  I mean when a situation gets out of hand and you have to take action?

Death: Not really.

Stone: But you could use it if you wanted to right?  You do carry it around for a reason?

Death: If you want to put it that way the answer is that I don’t really have a reason for carrying the scythe.  I don’t use it to stab people or to slash them. As I said the only thing I have to do to end a life is to touch the customer, so as I have said the scythe is just for looks.

Stone: No need to get testy.

Death: My apologies.  I wanted to talk about life after death, not my scythe or what I wear, you know, the important stuff.

Stone: When you get your own show then you can conduct the interview the way you want to.  Until then just answer the questions.

Death:  There is no need to be short with me.

Stone: You're right, --- I apologize.

Death: No problem --- lets shake on it.