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By emilio
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29 January 2008 |
A cold faced baby approached me in the alley and gave me these words.
Cobble
stone rail
ways
and a bitching
cold breeze,
I
like warm squash,
hurry with the bottle, I did say
pleas
e.
For L o n
g
I'll Cry, desire a high,
All I
'll
end up doing
i
s
b
u
y
buy
BUY!!!!!!!
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Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 29th January 2008 | I may be too traditional in my poetic tastes- but I see very little in this. 'Found' or constructed - it tries too hard with its shape, which it relies on too much for impact. Fair go - a snippet of life - but I've heard and been a part of many today. I honestly can't see what makes this worthy of being a poem.
Well aware that I may be agitating you here. Not my intention. I'm open to convincing. It may be I've missed something - I don't think so -but you never know.
Just one opinion. Sorry.
Phil |
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 29th January 2008 | I'm struggling to find any message behind/within this at all; not do I understand its source; so to speak.
Sorry
Pete |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3557 comments posted) 29th January 2008 | I think you must be having formatting problems, try using wordpad and copy and paste from that. The words seem to be all over the place and it is impossible to read
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Written by DressedInPoetry (23 comments posted) 29th January 2008 | | I understood it rather well. I like how you mention the breeze and then take the words and letters and float them as though they are on the breeze themselves. | All that formatting
Written by patterjack (1429 comments posted) 29th January 2008 | Unless it really contributes to the meaning , it's pointless.
Concrete poetry and the like seem to be coming into vogue on this site.
Vide -- George Herbert -- centuries ago -- but you can find it back much further in literary history than his work !
It is a fun exercise for adolescent writing classes -- but the form seems to generate trite thinking
patterjack |
Written by margarita (30 comments posted) 30th January 2008 | | It's funny- I didn't read the comment at the top and the image that struck me on reading it was of a wintery street and a baby crying. Although, I saw it all from the outsider's point of view....the word structure made me think of a busy shopping street in cold wet weather...again Emilio I really ejoy reading your work..it's interesting to experiment with shape and structure too! |
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