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By luminous
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31 January 2008 |
He looked at her and weighed the possibilities.
He fancied his chances as he refused to avert his gaze even when she caught him staring.
He was awed by her presence,
...by the scent in the air when she passed by
..by the fluttering motions in his body accredited to her
.by the instantaneous indistinctness of her surroundings.
Striving to maintain his professionalism, he watched between the vertical divisions...
...how her forehead crumpled when she concentrated.
..how her lips formed an O when she blew her steaming coffee
. how her eyes smiled every time she smiled...
She was phenomenal. Utterly indescribable.
He sighed.
The new girl at work,
his endearing aspiration.
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Written by blogbrush (33 comments posted) 31st January 2008 | I wonder if this would be better off in the poetry section? The decreasing full stops in the second and third sections... not sure what their purpose is. What is it that he 'signed'? I read it as 'sighed' the first time. I like this but I think the pace isn't helped by clunky terms like 'instantaneous indistinctness', but then I am reading it as a poem.
| Written by luminous (6 comments posted) 31st January 2008 | Thanks for reading! I appreciate the review. You read it right the first time.. Its sighed. Typo I like a bit of flow and rhythm in narratives.. I dont really consider myself eloquent enough for poetry. |
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