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Shorts
Mirror
By vixer805
01 February 2008

This is a short bit. Initially intended as a story following the main characters descent into insanity. outside his real world life is disintegrating, as the unreality takes over.
there was definitely a horror element intended.
this is another fragment i wrote a while back and had forgotten about.
i like this. but please tell me how i can change and improve it.


Mirror

In the frozen gaze he always held the fear that he would see his reflection blink while his eyes were still open. But then Alex Demthal always had lacked imagination.
It might be a harder thing to let it, see him, blink first.

In the dream.
The reflection stared back. Mindless and empty. In its dull eyes the pupils shone deeply, darker than 3 a.m. Alex slightly turned his head, just a fraction but still his eyes were held, focused on those of his mirror counterpart. And he could not look away, and he could not blink.
Creeping terror gripped him and locked his gaze. Fears razor claws reached out for him and cut effortlessly, sliding easily through his skin. Setting his nerves alight. A fine web of pain gripped his whole body, too much to resist. The tingling agony commanded him to fail. A fine, warm trail of blood trickled over his brow. It traced a wavering line over the lid of his right eye before halting, caught on his eyelash. And he could not blink.
The reflection glared into his mind, its expression was deadpan and cold.
It watched him, silent and still. He shook, he trembled, and he faltered.
His eyes now closed would not open. But it watched him, and on its lips played a silent smile.
Terror followed fear as the Reflection reached out its hand. In the darkness Alex felt its fingers close around his face. He started screaming and didn't stop until he woke up, safe and unharmed.


Reviews
Better as a poem?
Written by ianhobsonuk (169 comments posted) 7th February 2008
This might have been better as a poem. A few typos: magination; it’s dull eyes; it’s hand (should be its); Fears razor claws (Fear’s); til (till or until).
Waste of time...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 7th February 2008
No. Not better written as a poem. Just badly. Very badly written as a short story. 
 
Typos aside as no one will condem you for that. 
 
1] Too short. 
 
2] Too many adjectives for so short a piece. 
 
3] No story. Only a random flash barely worth a paragraph. 
 
4] Not thought thought with any degree of continuity. 
 
Fuck the poem. You need to gear up to characterisation and storyline. Without that you are wasting your time. And anybody else's reading it. 
 
Slan!  
 

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