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Poetry


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Disgraceful Conduct

By Rattle_Spear

09 October 2005

Too many lack respect for human life and property.

Where did these aliens come from?
Where are they going?
Who made them so rough?
Who had the nerve to send them here?
Why is it impossible to refine them?
There is no chance of educating them

They take over and destroy the fields
They rape the country bare
They abuse small children
They injure helpless animals
They do not fit into society
They are total corrupt misfits
They rely on handouts
They refuse to contribute towards society
They jump queues and drive like maniacs

When will they return to their own planet?
Will they ever pay their own way HOME?

Reviews

Written by sheppard (36 comments posted) 9th October 2005

I have read all your poems, they are excellent. :grin

Needs a new title, and a slightly cleare
Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 1st November 2005

There's a good, immediately catchy idea in here and you run with it well. I do think there's a fine line between poetry and polemic in pieces like this, and I feel that in a few places it's not clear what side of the line you want to be: the line "There is no chance of educating them", for instance is very didactic and not in keeping with the rest of verse 1. For the same reason, I'd have preferred a different title. "Disgraceful Conduct" is a very clear value judgement on the part of the writer; more effective would be to have the reader read the poem and make their own value judgement on the basis of what you've revealed. "Where did these aliens come from?" would itself be a suitable title.

I'm also aware that the message *I* personally take from this piece isn't necessarily going to be what another reader would take away. By "these aliens" I sense that you're implying the whole human race. Another reader might infer that there's a particular "undesirable" sector of society that you're lambasting here, and sadly, your choice of a word like "aliens" in the first line could lead some Daily Mail-reading types to assume that you're having a go at asylum seekers. My suspicion is that this is not what you intended.

Poetry and polemic
Written by Rattle_Spear (93 comments posted) 7th November 2005

Sheppard
Thank you for the kind words.

Amboline
Thank you for the well defined review.
What come from ones pen is not always ones views.
If I change anything in the poem, it will lose its originality.
Aliens i.e. returning to their individual planets.
If I was referring to people, then it would have been alien criminal elements roaming this planet, especially South Africa.

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