Hi,
this isnt a story.
this is just a quick note to readers who may be interested in my writing.
Hey there.
After posting my stories, i caused alot of confusion.
My post had some things in them that wouldnt be explained unless you read all of them.
and rather then explaining everything to everyone who posts a comment, i have updated the first part:
Arcane (Azhnia #1) Chapter 1 & 2
The Authors Introduction has been updated with information that should make understanding the concept alot easier. For the readers who have already attempted to read my stories, i plead with you to read this introduction, and give my stories another go.
All this confusion is entirely my fault, due to me, having laid out the world in my head and gone through the story in one go, explaining as the story develops, (E.g the protagonist explaining about Demoks to a character who doesnt know about them, therefore telling the reader at the same time. This would happen in a later chapter)
This first story was then broken down in to chapters to make it easier for users of this site to read.
I do hope this clears up any problems, any more questions or friendly advice, please feel free to message me, and i will reply at my first opportunity.
That said, thank you for reading, i hope you will give my stories a go and i hope you enjoy them.
Take care
Arkavon~
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Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 23rd February 2008 |
In my opinion, for what it is worth, I would suggest you remove your story, completely reedit it, and then post it up again without the explanation. If you need to explain a story to the reader before he/she starts reading then you clearly haven’t written a good/clear enough story.
Plus, you need to work on your grammar. Here are just a few examples from your opening passages of chapter 1.
“Kelva sat on a stone seat in a temple. (why is there a full stop here?) In clothes she didn’t own, in a temple she didn’t recognise.”
Kelva sat on a stone seat, in a temple she didn’t recognise and dressed in clothes she didn’t own.
Throne like seat. Should be: Throne-like.
“A huge creature smashed its way through the temple roof to her and she didn’t move. The serpent snapped at the walls of the temple to give it more room to manoeuvre through the skyline.”
A huge creature - the serpent. One is left to assume that it is the same beast, yet you could have killed two beasts with one intro. Also, manoeuvre through the ‘skyline’? Did you mean skylight?
A huge serpent smashed through the temple roof, snapping at the walls etc,
“Misty green electricity thundered.” far too many ‘flowery’ words in one go.
It crashed into the creature(comma) throwing it back, temporarily dazing it.
“She lied back down” untruths in the marital bed can lead to divorce.
“This was the third dream she had had” She’d had, would work better.
“At first she only saw the temple and now, she was getting attacked by Démoks.”
At first she’d only dreamt of the temple, yet the visions had become more frightening and now she was being attacked by Démoks
And so on and so forth. It is a bit much to expect people to wade through 17 chapters so I would suggest you post them one at a time (once you’ve edited them, that is).
I do hope that this helps you a little, all the best,
Steve. |
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