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Poetry
It's very confusing
By lionheart24
04 February 2008

Its very confusing about a bang and powerful being. You have people yelling at each other inbetween. I chose a side yes I know the rest. This shouldn't be a hateful thing stop pointing fingers and take some blame. We have to open up are eyes and realize what we have caused. Human wars sheding blood, global catrastophe's causing floods. I wonder what he thinks above. We need to end this before it gets worst mothers yelling and children hurt.


I hope you enjoyed.Laughing

Reviews

Written by lionheart24 (2 comments posted) 3rd February 2008
how do I see what people said?
Dear Confused
Written by fellpony (1569 comments posted) 4th February 2008
Hi Lionheart 
 
Your question about how to see reviews: people will write in the Reviews box and you will see comments here, under your work. Don't forget to review other people's things too. That's how you learn. 
 
First off, this isn't a poem but you've put it in the Poetry section. Where did you mean to post it? 
 
Second, you have put the content in the "author's introduction" box and vice versa. 
 
Third, it makes very little sense because of the typos. 
 
"Its very confusing about a bang and powerful being." 
 
Did you proof read it? What is that opening sentence supposed to say? Think about it before you post it, for heaven's sake. 
 
Fourth, this is all very superficial, high level stuff. Very short. Too many changes of viewpoint (I, You, We). Too far off the action to grip or entertain; too uninformed to teach.  
 
Who are you talking to? Why do you think a reader might enjoy it? What have you got to say that is original? Writing is work, craftsmanship. So work. 
 
Grammar and punctuation need attention.

Written by lionheart24 (2 comments posted) 4th February 2008
Sorry I will do better next time.

Written by fellpony (1569 comments posted) 4th February 2008
Jolly good, let's see what you can really do :)

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