Shopping Pranks: The Markers - Great Writing Creative Writing Community

Quicklinks:

Great Writing - Home > Comedy > Shopping Pranks: The Markers

READING ROOM

Great Writing - Home

Read and review others' work

Articles on writing

Advice from the community

COMMUNITY

Talk to others in the forums

Events and Competitions

GW News

ABOUT GREAT WRITING

All About Us

WORK AWAITING REVIEW
This list is randomly generated from all our published works. Monday Morning by Cream Because by anorwegianwood Poor Christmas Kitten by shirley_keeldar Tidy Teenage Quickie by Paul&Mark The Least of His Creatur... by Talisker Tall Food by fellpony On reflection by no1butClo Bench Wells - Chapter 12 by jean.day SOGgen by Fledermaus I can't write a lovesong by no1butClo

GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.

WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1858 guests online and 7 members online Lizzy chrismorton patterjack talmru Katanga bobc Phil

WHO'S ONLINE

Lizzy

chrismorton

patterjack

talmru

Katanga

bobc

Phil

Comedy


print friendly version
Shopping Pranks: The Markers

By Blade

07 February 2008

This is a first in a series of shopping sketches I'm about to write. Just a short one-liner.

EDIT: Edited punchline, hopefully makes it more clear (and funny).

"Shopping Pranks: The Markers”

Inside Stationer’s. Shopkeeper sits over the counter, reading a paper. He folds it and stands up as a customer comes in.

Customer: Hello.

Shopkeeper: Good day, sir. How may I help?

Customer: Large packet of markers please.

Shopkeeper: How large?

Customer: Oh, about 40 colours.

Shopkeeper: Ok, let me see.

Shopkeeper turns to stock shelves, finds the right parcel and puts it on the counter.

Shopkeeper: Will they do?

Customer: Splendid. How much?

Shopkeeper: 7 pounds fifty.

Customer: That much?

Shopkeeper: Well, it’s a lot of colours, red, green, blue, purple...

Customer: Oh, I see. How much for the same colours in black-and-white then?

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 7th February 2008

Nice to see someone attempting a scripted piece. As you say it was short piece but am I missing something? I think you forgot to put in the punchline at the end.The customer set it up by changing his request and then nothing. It's best to end on a gag. I'm no expert and may have missed the joke. I'll wait to see what others say

Written by Blade (14 comments posted) 7th February 2008

Well, it demonstrates what I feared. There is a punchline at the end, but it's probably badly exposed.

Written by Phil (6393 comments posted) 7th February 2008

Hi Blade.

I can see the gag - but unfortunately, it's not so funny. Perhaps as a throw away line along the way it would serve its purpose fine, but as the focus of the whole piece - not really.

Perhaps instead of doing a series about shopping, a long one where the gags build to a cresendomight work. You do need something quite special to round it off though.

BBS is right - good to see someone attempting a comedy script. Something I've not had a go at yet.

Phil.

Succinct. But...
Written by Levi (31 comments posted) 15th February 2008

This is 14 lines long including the two lines of description. I suggest cutting lines: 2, 3, 7 and 9 just to tighten it a bit more. Although I would tend to agree with Phil - the gag's not really worthy of a script to itself. Perhaps as an opening to something else...? Kudos for writing a comedy script, though. Lets see some more.

Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.

Previous item		Next item