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The gallant knight (Ch. 6)
By Fledermaus
07 February 2008

The smell of spices welcomed her home. She tossed her bags into the corner and kicked off her shoes.

" I'm home."

" You're late. Have you eaten yet?"

It was her mother's main concern. Yingying thought of herself as just being thin, living up to the standards set by the magazines, but her mom  always seemed to be afraid that she wasn't eating enough.

" I'm not really hungry and got an awful lot of homework."

" We still have some chicken."

" Maybe later OK? I have this exercise I must finish before tomorrow."

" All right, I'll make you some tea then. Your aunt made some dumplings. Would you like one?"

She went up to her tiny room and turned on the computer. The monitor filled the room with a gloomy, bluish glow that illuminated the piles of clothes and the scattered books on the ground. Her mother had given up telling her to clean up. After all she was a grown woman herself now and if she wanted to live in such a mess, it was her own problem.

She opened her mailbox and saw there were three new messages. One was from the lecturer to remind them that he had uploaded some new information on his website, the others were from guys.

She clicked on one of them and it was what she had feared.

" Hi Yingying, I wrote this poem for you:

Oh my cherry blossom, where art thou?

Canst thou not see my bleeding heart

Broken and torn it lies before thou

And only thou canst mend the pieces

I miss thee and long for thee

Oh Juliet do not let Romeo stand

Alone in the rain"

Why did he think he was a poet?  No rhyme, no rhythm, just a crappy bunch of clichés, and moreover her name was neither Cherry Blossom, nor Juliet. It was pathetic how some guys thought that girls would fall for any piece of text without punctuation. It was like bringing a serenade with a hard rock band. Besides she was growing sick and tired of him and his self pity.

She expected more of the other one, as the man she only knew by a nickname did not seem so interested in seducing her. If he wanted to, he probably could for he seemed witty and nice, but then, maybe he was ugly or a bit disturbed. Although she was a fan of comics herself, she did have some prejudices about her fellow fans.

She scanned the lines of the lengthy e-mail. He had been busy comforting his little sister, who had been infatuated with a wrong guy... 

Reviews

Written by bluecity (448 comments posted) 8th February 2008
I'm commenting on this as I go along. 
 
"but her mom" - this makes it sound very American.  
 
I really enjoyed 
 
"the monitor filled the room with a gloomy, bluish glow that illuminated the piles of clothes and the scattered books on the ground. Her mother had given up telling her to clean up. After all she was a grown woman herself now and if she wanted to live in such a mess, it was her own problem." 
 
The description of a teenager's room is very apt and I liked the blue glow of the monitor. Also, the comment about being a "grown woman" etc. Most English teenagers would use the word "adult" not "grown woman", by the way, but your characters are not English. I can't quite grasp where this story is set. 
 
Oh, yes, a brilliant twist at the end! I didn't expect this! 
 
Another really interesting chapter. Well done! 
 
Rosemary

Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 8th February 2008
Thanks Rosemary. 
I'm not sure myself yet where it is set. Somewhere in "the West", but wether that is the Netherlands, the UK or the USA I haven't decided on yet. Probably Europe though, so I might remove some Americanisms. :)
HI Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2908 comments posted) 13th February 2008
I'm still interested in the story, but it does seem to be moving a bit slower now. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Written by Phil (8764 comments posted) 14th February 2008
PMed

Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 14th February 2008
Thanks Jean and Phil. 
I do have plenty ideas of how to continue, but just no inspiration on how to write them down... :)

Written by Lizzy (970 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
I like the way you ended, it shows the sinificance of the last chapter. Like Rosemary i thought the description of the girl's room was very good. I'm not too sure of her age, about 16 maybe? 
Lizzy

Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
Thanks Lizzy. 
Ah. Seems everyone estimates my characters much younger than I imagined them, but then, so does everyone with me ;) I imagined her to be in her early twenties.

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