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Poetry
night-eyed boy
By no1butClo
11 February 2008

RUBBISH TITLE. Suggestions welcome.

NB "I watch move them as you speak" - has been ammended. Thanks Jane.


Your eyes, brown eyes,
fierce but effeminate, liquid
just waiting to freeze over.

I watch them move as you speak.
Down, left to the concrete, then right
up to the spire in whose shadow we sit.

My imagination sees the ghosts
from your stories, animated
by a torrent of words and vapour

which separate and fade into
the dark. Gone with the wind
'like my parents' you tell me.

Walking home you cover your
face with a scarf, and smile
goodnight only with your eyes.

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 10th February 2008
"I watch move them as you speak" 
I'm guessing there is a word missing. 
My only complaint is, it is way too short. You haven't said nearly enough. The last verse if fine but there is more to say I'm sure 
Can't help with the title, best I could do was  
Visual-eyes [bad pun sorry] 

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 11th February 2008
Actually - I agree and disagree with Jane. You don't say nearly enough - but that's why this works for me. The last verse is is pretty coy! 
 
I quite like the title. Not sure about the use of 'boy' - but then at forty, that could be an age thing. 
 
Liked it. 
 
Phil
I have remarked before...
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 12th February 2008
... that you make me think of a young , female Chekhov who writes poetry rather than short stories. 
 
You are not alone in this , by the way , but it is for me a true evaluation. 
 
Don't ask me WHY this is my opinion :grin 
 
patterjack

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