Terrible title but better than the original Mourning Morning
Mourning
The sun comes out, though a cold wind shakes the trees.
Held raindrops, leaves and fragments of old bark
all fall in slanting lines across my sight .
The colours are muted; light green, dark green, grey,
and so the morning mood is muted with them.
What is happening, I know, is that the recent past
passes now more swiftly, and as I sit and watch,
the feel of melancholy autumn fast approaching
brings the
lacrimae rerum of which Aeneas spoke.
Futile they may be, but I must understand
that they simply
are; they are ingrained in me
from long gone studies, or music lately heard;
from knowing of the body's entropy
and that time must have a stop.
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Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 13th February 2008 |
I can empathise with this, entirely. Love "the recent past passes now more swiftly". One of the mysteries of growing old(er) - why, as children, were summer days unending, yet now they gallop to an uncertain evening?
How I wish that I had paid more attention to my Latin tutors, all those years ago - gazing through the glass at endless summer days! - and thus have a smattring of your own broad knowledge.
PTV |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 13th February 2008 |
I don't know which you'll read first - this or the PM I sent this morning. The contents of the PM should make it clear that this, no matter the quality, was going to be an affecting read.
I thought for a minute you'd broken the sonnet habit - but while not strictly structured, it's still there.
I mentioned quality. Perhaps for its resonance, I think this carries quality in buckets. The more I look at this - the more structure I see. The first four set a visual but melancholy scene and you develop in sets of four from there. See? - like I said about rhyme, you do it so well, it doesn't slap the reader about the face. It enhances the piece but has to be searched for as a mechanism.
One of my favourites, Brian.
Would it be flippant to suggest something a little more upbeat for your next piece?
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 13th February 2008 |
| Beautiful poem! It has such a wonderful atmosphere and it flows well. Really great, except that I don't know what Lacrimae are, which would probably be necessary to fully appreciate this. Yet even though I therefore don't _fully_ appreciate it, I appreciate it a tremendous lot. |
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 13th February 2008 |
Hugely affecting. I had to look up the meaning of the latin and when I did it uncovered a level of insight that I would have otherwised not experienced.
Will keep coming back to this one.
Fran |
Really touched
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 14th February 2008 |
I was really touched by this. It was a sad and reflective piece but there was so much humanity in it that I felt an emotional charge as I read. It might, in part be due to my emotional state, I seem to be so much more receptive to sentiments expressed in what I read, especially some poems [mainly yours] I’ll say more in a PM.
It started with a vivid description, which leads to the theme of the piece, which then reflects the description. The two are inextricably linked and make for melancholy reading but with such power and beauty that one is left in a contemplative mood rather than a sad one. You may be talking about yourself but it is true for everyone. I’ll say more in a PM. I was really affected by this.
Jane
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lacrimae rerum
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 14th February 2008 |
Thank you all -- and Maus -- it is one of those basically untranslatable phrases -- literally the tears of things -- that ineffable quality of sadness that lies , inexplicable, at the heart of all.
Phil ; 14 lines , yes -- but this time there was no effort involved in avoiding full the sonnet form.
Thanks PTV . Appreciated.
Francoise -- you know my feelings
And Jane -- what can I say ? Just thank you is far too little .
patterjack
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Superlative.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 14th February 2008 |
I can certainly live with the title, Brian, for what is a breathtakingly eloquent piece of understated writing. I have always admired your disputatiousness-- so memorable of Donne as indeed of all the metaphysicals--but this is a much more reflective offering and puts me in mind of Gray; or Wordsworth on one of his better days.
Short on sentiment; short on vocabulary; indeed making a virtue of brevity; yet with such impact and inalienable logic. 'Its what poerty was invented for' if you will excuse the term. I often ask myself if I am drawn to your writing simply because it so utterly sets its face against the indefinable dross that so often gets passed off as poetry on this site. No so. You are simply very good and would be so anywhere.
My fondest compliments to you.
Slan! |
Lovely
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 21st February 2008 |
A really special piece of poetry Brian.
Touches all the right buttons for me. Delicious melancholy, lovely flow, eloquence and subtlety.
You show us all what poetry should be, truly affecting.
Oli  |
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