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By sarahh
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13 February 2008 |
My first iambic poem. Ain't it cute?
At the innocent age of five,
I stumbled across a beehive.
Thinking I was smart to survive.
I sparked a flame that was alive.
My reality did collide,
The leaves behind the flame provide.
Away I ran, a plan devised.
A dragon came and fire supplied,
and flew away to go and hide.|
Ain't it cute? Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 13th February 2008 | No, not very. More, precise detail and less straining after rhyme would probably have produced a much better piece. Try to avoid using "did" in front of verbs ("did collide"), or reversing normal word order ("fire supplied"). These are conscious "poeticisms" that modern poetry no longer employs. I hope you didn't REALLY set fire to the bee hive. | Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 13th February 2008 | | Not cute, but it reads well and certainly had a good rhythm. |
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