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Talking to the Zoo-keeper |
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By gutterkitty
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13 February 2008 |
A bit of an oddity this one. The best description I have is an attempt on the part of the narrator to discuss problems in the relationship with their partner, and the difficulties which arise.
I'm trying to progress in my style but I'm not sure if I'm just regressing- let me know :)
The elephant in the room has your eyes.
They crinkle at the corners
when he laughs, like
a sound from a wrinkled time
could grasp my attention.
I swept my hands over his ears
for shouts would split their leather,
shudder bristles.
He showed his tusks,
confused. I backed away,
gulped air like a fish.
Tried to tell him I’m no poacher,
pressed his beauty to him like a star.
He waved his trunk hopefully
but my pockets were full of dust.
His eyes are the loveliest things,
full of muddied stars.
I can’t look at them any more;
I’ve been talking to the zoo-keeper.
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (706 comments posted) 13th February 2008 | This is great - packed full of lovely language like "a sound from a wrinkled time" and "my pockets were full of dust". I'm going to have to ponder the meaning a little more. The zoo-keeper being the partner and the elephant the relationship I guess? Thanks for posting! V | Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 13th February 2008 | A nice poem, but I don't understand the last line | Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 13th February 2008 | Some beautiful lines as Veronica mentioned. I would have to include "pressed his beauty to him like a star" as a line that really resonated. As a whole I felt the relationship theme did not come across as effectively as it could have and the ending did throw me abit though. An element of bathos that contradicted with the images in the poem overall. I think it's great that you are challenging yourself to try a different style though. Had a look at your recent short story. Great stuff. | hi Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 14th February 2008 | Liked this, enjoyed the read. Bernie | Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 14th February 2008 | Thanks everyone. I think this metaphor might be a bit too obscure and personal to work very well for anyone but myself but it's nice to know you still got something out of it. Basically the elephant symbolises both the problem and the partner, and the "talking to the zoo-keeper" line indicates that the narrator has considered getting rid of the problem by getting rid of the partner. Hope that makes a bit more sense now... |
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