He paged through the comic book he had taken from the rack. Normally when he would go to a department store, he would walk straight to his target, pick what he wanted and head for the counter, but this time he was himself the target.
He looked at the black and white images. The Golden Avenger was trying to safe a damsel in distress again. Every time it was a different one, but they all had certain features in common: Long legs, big breasts and revealing clothes.
He wondered what this girl would be like. She had never shown him a photo, yet he assumed she was fat and had pimples, probably messy hair and thick glasses. She certainly couldn't be like the girls the Golden Avenger saved. At best she would be like Lin, a skinny girl who refused to grow up...
He didn't even know her real name, unless Fairy Princess was her real name of course. Yet this wasn't a date... Well, it was, but not the boy-meets-girl type of date. It was more like a mini convention, with two fans meeting and discussing their favourite comics.
" Hello..."
He turned around and looked into a pair of sparkling black eyes. She had long lashes and a broad face, a small and straight nose and full, red lips. She was wearing some make up, but not the abundant war paint that Pearl and Lin used to smear upon their faces.
" Are you Golden Avenger Seventy-nine?"
" Uh yes..."
She held out her hand.
" Fairy Princess. But in real life most people call me Yingying."
" Pleased to meet you."
He noticed he was staring at her lips and looked up again. She was too beautiful to be a geek. Yet perhaps that had been exactly the reason why she had never wanted to show him a picture of herself...
" So does Golden Avenger Seventy-nine have another name or should I call you just that?"
" Uh yes... Ken."
" Pleased to meet you Ken. So where shall we go?"
" Sorry?"
" We could go to the cafeteria over there."
" Uhuh..."
" Or somewhere else. We can also go to Chinatown, yum cha."
" Yum cha?"
" Dim sum."
" Oh yes, that'd be nice."
|
HI Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2092 comments posted) 16th February 2008 |
| Glad to see this back, and disappointed that it isn't longer. But I expect you will be back with the next chapter soon - you are so prolific in your writing. |
Written by Fledermaus (3081 comments posted) 17th February 2008 |
Thanks Jean.
I know, and I'm sorry, but somehow it feels I'm a bit stuck but just had to go on. Next chapter would explain a lot over a cup of tea I think. |
Written by bluecity (237 comments posted) 17th February 2008 |
I loved the way he dreamed about his Fairy Princess and then turned round and found her.
Short this may be what you might call a "defining" chapter. You've returned to his interest in comics and he has a name at last - Ken. Me, I have a thing about names. I think readers get a much better handle on characters if they have a name and it is used every so often, at the beginnings of chapters, for instance.
I'm still wondering WHERE this is set. I'm now guessing that it's in a Chinese community in America, possibly New York. I think it matters. because it affects the way characters speak, especially the youngsters. Do you want British slang or American or Australian?
Thank you for reviewing "Do As You're Told" and for being so encouraging. This story seems to have struck a chord with a lot of people, which is great. It is a true story and the person who told it to me was not a member of my family, but my dentist years ago.
Rosemary |
Written by Fledermaus (3081 comments posted) 17th February 2008 |
Thanks Rosemary.
Well, I just posted the next chapter while you read this, and I answered a few of your questions in there. I have made up my mind, and since the Netherlands are the country I know best, I have set it over there. You'll soon find out Yingying is from Amsterdam, as for Ken (whose name I just made up when I posted this chapter) I don't know yet.
I know I should have named him earlier, but I have a certain something with names too: I'm a bit afraid to name characters  |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (2962 comments posted) 19th February 2008 |
Well I've nearly caught up now. I'll comment on what I've read so far before going on. I like the way it's progressing,although I am a bit concerned that nothing is really happening. It just seems to be a bit episodic with a series of meetings and encounters with no unifying plot line but I suppose it is still early.I like the characters you have created; they are well drawn and avoid obvious stereotype. I do get the feeling that some of your own prejudies are leakng through in your descriptions but I suppose it is inevitable
I do agree with Bluecity that the lack of context is causing confusion.You go into great detail with personal description and leave out the larger context.
You've created some intereting and engaging characters, just need to give them something to do
cheers |
P.S.
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (2962 comments posted) 19th February 2008 |
I forgot to mention there was a typo.
"trying to safe"-- save? |
Written by Fledermaus (3081 comments posted) 19th February 2008 |
Thanks Jane.
Some others remarked the same. I was already a bit afraid of it coming across like that, but I wanted to push it forward, no matter were that would lead. Perhaps a bit more plotting will be required in the future. |
Written by Phil (5967 comments posted) 20th February 2008 |
Still reading, going to the next where I'll comment.
Phil |
Written by Lizzy (744 comments posted) 22nd February 2008 |
You have managed to fill in a few more details and I feel that a plot is beginning to develop.
Lizzy |
Written by Fledermaus (3081 comments posted) 22nd February 2008 |
Thanks Lizzy.
Seems inspiration was coming back  This one was a bit short, more of a piece of the next chapter really. Still got to get used to writing longer things. |
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