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For Children
Dragons Of Earth Chapter 2
By Aurora
17 February 2008

Chapter 2

They must have been up in the North wing of the castle. That was why he didn’t recognise it. Since he was five his parents had classed it as out of bounds because it was so dangerous, slowly falling mostly into ruin. The door would have once led to the large balcony, which now lay in rubble beneath them. This was bad this was very very bad. The sky was almost dark, the last traces of orange sun were disappearing rapidly behind the horizon, they had to get back inside and fast.
“Are you alright sis?” he asked in a frightened whisper, aware she had made no noise since the fall.  She stood up and brushed herself down.
“Yes, I think so, but I don’t like this,  we should get back right away.” her wide eyes starring around her.
“Stay as close as you can to the wall, we are going to move quickly but we must try not to make a sound ok?” James took her hand tightly.
“I’m scared James!” she whispered. He smiled at her with a pained smile.
“Me to, but look I’ve got my spear to protect us, when we get back inside you can play with it whenever you want ok?” She looked into his face doubtfully.
“I promise!”
she smiled.
Together they moved, staying as close as they   could to the crumbling old stone wall. Something screeched loudly making them both jump, but it was only a bird trying to get home before dark.
    They reached the first corner, feet slipping on the dark green grass underfoot. James peered around it carefully. His heart was beating fast, but to his relief all seemed quiet. They moved as one wordlessly and quickly, just like their parents had taught them. James scanned the dusk bound sky. The second corner took what seemed like an eternity to get to, the castle was huge and its walls spanned a vast amount of ground. The only door was on the front south-facing wall. It was small, not big enough for anything larger than a stooped man. It was never locked, there was no point it was dragons not men that they feared. The latch would be stiff, maybe even rusted tight a little but it would be able to be opened with a little force. The adrenaline running through James veins made him certain he would be strong enough. He had never felt so ready for action, like a coiled spring.
    This time James was even more cautious than before as the last trace of day had dissolved. He took one cautious glance and jumped back. Breathing hard he looked into Elle’s worried face and confirmed their worst fears to her.
“It’s a dragon!” he whispered.
The dragon was sleek and shiny, its scales pale lime green, darker shades of emerald and jade green scales were on its head and tail.
“It seems a small one, compared to the ones I’ve seen but it’s still a whole lot bigger than us!” James chanced a look again.
“It’s looking away from us, I think it’s eating something so that’s one good thing it might not be hungry” he drew a deep breath to steady himself his humour faltering.
“You’re going to have to be brave Elle”
He held her by the shoulders and looked intensely into her eyes.
I’m going to sneak past the dragon and try to push open the door. As soon as I’ve got it open I’ll come back and get you. When I do we will have to run as quickly as we can okay? I promise I’ll keep you safe!”
Elle grabbed his hand.
“I don’t want to lose you.” She gave him a hug.
“Don’t be long!” she looked on the verge of tears.
“I won’t. take care.”
With that he crept around the corner slowly, his eyes not leaving the back of the large heavy breathing mass for a millisecond.
    Quarter the way there, half the way there, three quarters the way there, almost there… suddenly the dragon roared. James froze. Seeing everything as if in slow motion. The dragon was still facing away from him to his relief but it had raised its long neck, nostrils flaring with smoke. The bird they had seen earlier was circling above, annoying the dragon to look up from his meal.
    James allowed himself a small sigh of relief and carried on finally reaching the door. It was as old and weather beaten as he had expected. The latch was so covered in rust he could no longer tell what the original metal was, it showed how long it had been since his parents had gone anywhere.
    Wasting no time he began trying his hardest to prise open the latch. He tried using his fingers to prise it open but they were of no use! Wasting not a moment he jammed the edge of his spear underneath to lever it upwards. It was loosening he could tell. It was scratching the wood and he winced at each little sound. Suddenly the door latch sprung upward with a loud creak. The dragon spun around in a flash of angry green silver. James looked wide-eyed in terror at the dragon as he, with narrowed eyes and heavy breathing stared  back. In a split second move the beast breathed out a blast of red fire, James dived inwards in less than a heartbeat, slamming the door behind him on a blaze of flame.

(c) 2008 Aurora

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3229 comments posted) 17th February 2008
Very good. There are still a few full stops missing here too, but it reads very well. Not too short, not too long, just right and full of action. You have great cliffhangers.  
 
I personally think that writing a good children's story is a lot harder than writing for adults, so you chose a difficult audience, but I think you are doing very well.
Thank you
Written by Aurora (50 comments posted) 17th February 2008
I think your right about that and they say there is no harsher critique than a child! 
I love cliffhangers. It comes from when I was a kid and my mother would read to me but only read one chapter a night, If the story ended on a cliffhanger I couldn't wait to go to bed the next night to find out what happened! A trick I think most parents will appreciate! :)  
 
Thanks for taking the time to read this chapter, I know reading a novel is one of the hardest things, especially on this site when there are so many poems and shorter pieces to grab your attention! cheers! :p
Not as well written as the first
Written by BedtimeStoryteller (100 comments posted) 20th February 2008
I had to remind myself that the story had gone back in time – perhaps it’s not good to interrupt the boy’s recollections with a change of chapter. Plus, I find that your chapters are too short; and that this second one is as not as well written as the first - a LOT of missing commas and other minor errors, and some poor word choices, i.e. would be able to be opened - confirmed their worst fears to her - that’s one good thing it might not be. 
 
I find it’s best to leave a finished story for a few weeks and then come back to it and reread as though for the first time. 
 
Ian
P S...
Written by BedtimeStoryteller (100 comments posted) 20th February 2008
...You will never please everyone, so always please yourself.

Written by Aurora (50 comments posted) 20th February 2008
Thanks for your helpful comments, I will try and implement as many as possible! :)

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