(Pete is a smart young guy dressed in street clothes)
(Agent 1 is large with a deep voice, wears a suit)
(Agent 2 is the sidekick, has a high raspy voice, wears a suit)
(Pete is browsing the isles of his local HMV when he decides he has to use the restrooms. Upon entering the restroom, he notices two men in black suits with matching sunglasses huddled in the corner)
Pete: Hey, what are you guys doing over there?
Agent 1: We, my friend, are the protectors and keepers of the government's secret information compound.
Pete: (disbelievingly) Really.
Agent 2: Oh, yeah.
Pete: Well, if you guys are so secretive, and I found you out, you gotta tell me at least one secret. C'mon, just one, so I know you guys are for real.
 (Agent 1 and Agent 2 huddle)
Agent 1: Okay. We have decided to let you in on one super-secret piece of information.
(Pete looks shocked that they are actually going to tell him something)
Agent 2: The president... of the united states... of America........ is George W. Bush.
Pete: Man, everybody knows that, it's not secret at all. In fact, that's the most public knowledge I can think of.
(The agents huddle)
Agent 1: Okay, we've decided to let you in on another secret.
Agent 2: (Rushing due to immense pride) The earth is flat.
Pete: Okay, dude. Everybody knows the earth is round! Astronauts have seen it with their own eyes.
Agent 2: Well, we've got a source that says all astronauts... are filthy liars.
Pete: What?! Where did you get that information?
Agent 1: From a respectable publication, The Interrogator.
Pete: That's a tabloid magazine! My grandma reads that for laughs!
Agent 1: Well, I don't know who this "Grandma" (makes quote motions with his fingers) character is, but they aren't nearly as credible a source as The Interrogator.
Agent 2: Yeah, we've gotten tips on Bigfoot, the bat baby, and "Satan in a cloud" from that publication!
Pete: Why are you guys telling me all this stuff anyway? I mean, when I asked I didn't actually think you'd tell me!
Agent 2: Well this stuff is just the tip of the icerock my friend.  Now if...
Pete: Wait a minute. Did you just say icerock?
Agent 2: Yes, it's a figure of speech. There aren't any real icerocks here.
Pete: Icebergs, they're called icebergs.
Agent 1: Rocks, bergs, it's almost the same word. Anyway, even if there were any icebergs here, we don't have a microscope so we would have trouble seeing them.
Pete: Are you kidding me? Icebergs are huge. They can be hundreds of feet long!
Agent 1: No, that can't be right. It wouldn't make sense with the figure of speech.
Pete: Yes it would. It would make perfect sense.
Agent 1: Well no, because "just the tip of the icerock"... sorry, "iceberg", means that the tip is basically the whole thing because it's so small.
Pete: The phrase... Ah screw it, I'm not explaining.  Wait, does that mean the information you told me is basically all you have?
Agent 1: Well yes (Ashamed). But we know that information like we know that our shoes are tied.
Pete: (Mumbling to himself) Well, that's a terrible analogy...
Pete: (Looks down) Your shoes aren't tied! You've just wrapped duct tape around your ankles to keep your shoes on!
Agent 2: It works darn well too!
(Agent 2 lights up a cigarette)
Agent 2: Hey Einstein, want a smoke?
Pete: Einstein?! I'm only pointing out... never mind. No, I don't want a smoke. Smoking is bad for your health.
Agent 1: Okay, we might have been wrong earlier, but you are dead wrong on this one.  (To agent 1) This guy's mixing up cigarettes with broccoli. I knew he wasn't making sense.
Pete: I'm not making sense? Studies have shown broccoli is actually...
Agent 2: There's your problem right there. Studies don't mean anything. See, that's what they don't tell you in school, hearsay is much more accurate than studies.
Agent 1: Yeah, and your missing out on some good genius juice by not smoking these cigarettes. I mean, I've heard of people turning down all sorts of things, but turning down something that doesn't harm you at all and makes you a genius...
Pete: Are you mad? Where did you come up with these unfounded claims?
Agent 1: That's not important. What's important is just accepting it without any thought whatsoever.
Pete: I'm getting out of here, I've got some indie rock albums to pay for.
Agent 2: Suit yourself Buddy. Live your life of ignorance, but leave me out of it.
(Pete walks out)
Agent 1: That guy had the wrong information on everything.
Agent 2: Yeah, he must wear briefs. I remember my Grandpa started wearing briefs, and BAM! 20 years later he got Alzheimer's.
Agent 1: Wow, you can feel all the pity in the world for some people, but sometimes they just don't want to know the truth.
Agent 2: Yeah.