PART OF A COLLECTION OF SHORT STORIES.THIS PIECE IS UNFINISHED AND I WOULD APPRICATE ADVICE OR REVIEWS.
16 .MADNESS
Mad, I tell you...that man is mad. It started the day he was born. Second son and sixth child of seven. Mum was a lovely strong woman, but there was only so much she could do for him. Six other children a couple of world wars and a husband who drank too much and got violent, that's more then enough for most women. But she did all she could, made sure they were fed and clean and well educated .What else was she to do ,that woman worked her fingers to the bone for them children.
But he was a bad un...plain and simple. The kind of boy who hurt the little ones. Cruel to animals and smaller children. His masters noticed when it came time for school, sure he got the cane and more. He learned to be quiet, he learned to be sly. Not getting caught that was the ticket, and so he grew.
The child became a man. He educated himself in all the ways he could hurt and harm paying special attention to the ways to go about it so as not to leave proof.He remembered the cane and the master saying "a bad one we have here, the devil in his blood". How he hated them masters and that school with all its goody-goody catholic crap.How it annoyed him to see his Ma exhausted after working three jobs, drag herself down to church to pray and give thanks, and for what?. He wouldn't end up like them no church and slave labor for him. He was going to get away, as soon as he could, leave it all behind, Ma, with her working and church.Da with his drinking and shouting and fists. His stupid sisters with there do this and do that, and his brother sure he wasn't nothing special anyhow. Get away, that's the trick. Get away and do what he pleases.
So he went, learned a lot about his favorite pastimes, pain, violence, and no proof.He wouldn't get caught. Even his appearance hid his true loves. a small man ,perfectly trimmed moustace,in houner of Hitler but not like Hitler's ,cant be that obvious, neat hair and jeans ,sure who would notice him let alone suspect .
Then he got a wife,gotta blend in.Thats what they want so that's what he will do. A wife and a couple of kids. He would look like a normal bloke and no one would ask what he is really doing with his life. No one would suspect what was in his head, the dark stuff, what he knew made him special, what was going to save him from the do gooders and church and the boring life they accept. He knew he was different and he liked it .He took pride in knowing he was cleaver then them.
Sometimes he would look at people and think of all the ways he could hurt them, and they would never expect it .He had it sussed.
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a nice teaser Written by darrenmc (54 comments posted) 19th October 2005 |
Do you have plans for this? It seems to me like he's planning some major crime, to get attention and prove that he's 'somebody' There are quite a few spelling mistakes which I'm sure you'll find yourself if you re-read it, should 'proff' be 'proof'? All in all a good beginning, makes you want to know what's next. Darren
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you silly cow ! Written by AllysSis (1 comments posted) 16th November 2005 |
| you need to get off those happy pills & get your head untangled by some professionals before you actually start to believe that what your writing is actually fiction ! Not to mention that our Father is a "Sick Fuck" not a madman & you will have worse things to think about the legal implications of writing such stuff about him even if he is older & sicker now .Especially if you keep hassling your "So called" family to read your stuff when you know they'll just hate you even more for it ...........as for the bloke who thought it was "A Nice Teaser" it's not & you really don't want to know what he got up to ,not that you would believe it anyway !.........& ye her spelling's shit ,she recons she's dyslexic like her Mother & Brother that she met once ! Can't believe you went on at me to read this ,don't you think I've had enough of this shit in my life ?You silly cow,you have'nt got a fucking clue ! |
Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 16th November 2005 |
I agree with Darren that your grammar and spelling need work done on them, especially if you aspire to be a writer!! The review from AllySis is disturbing though!! Is she really your sister? And is it that you are writing about something that is true? If so, then it's always a good idea to check with concerned parties before you submit work, as they may get upset with you, which seems the case, unless you're not concerned about their feelings of course!! But then this may not be your sister at all!!! I would like to know though, is this a true story? |
Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 16th November 2005 |
I agree with Darren that your grammar and spelling need work done on them, especially if you aspire to be a writer!! The review from AllySis is disturbing though!! Is she really your sister? And is it that you are writing about something that is true? If so, then it's always a good idea to check with concerned parties before you submit work, as they may get upset with you, which seems the case, unless you're not concerned about their feelings of course!! But then this may not be your sister at all!!! I would like to know though, is this a true story? |
in responce... Written by allyj (4 comments posted) 30th November 2005 |
Sorry to disappoint but this is not a true story and although receiving such an emotional response can only be a good thing it was not my intention to disturb the disturbed. If only I could tell MY SIDE OF THE STORY.
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