|
|
|
print friendly version
|
|
Taking out the rubbish and then falling over someone else's rubbish is slightly annoying |
|
|
By JWallendas
|
|
19 February 2008 |
Its 5:30 am
I should be gone by now
I'll just have one more cup
to then strain and stretch
choirs to be done
before i step onward
taking out the rubbish
and then falling over someone else's rubbish is slightly annoying
but I be done
|
Written by fellpony (1646 comments posted) 19th February 2008 | I can't wait to see a choir being done. Oh, wait, perhaps you mean chore?
First section, not bad, though not very evocative of anything in particular, I thought.
The last three lines got very lost and the grammar of the last line is a tad archaic, don't you think? |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3433 comments posted) 20th February 2008 | Well, it was one of the best titles I have read on the site, but the poem didn't really measure up. I thought you were going for quotidian whimsy with lots of understated humour and funny lines. If you were going for humour, it was too short and the humour didn't have time to come across. Bit of a disappointment; we could have done with a funny poem to lighten all the existenstial angst of late.
BTW, it is only slightly annoying the first time after about the 4th time it's infuriating. We live next to a shop that throws out tons of stuff.
|
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
