To be in love with your best friend
Is quite a strange place to be,
Especially if he's married and
has to go home for his tea.
You're not allowed to was his socks
or even do his cooking,
And if you want to grin at him
you do it when no-one's looking!

You can't take him to parties,
Nor often down the pub
You can't tell folk you love him
Aye, thereby is the rub.
You cannot carry his photo
Ah, 'twas ever thus!
You couldn't visit in hospital
If he's run down by a bus.

But.....

you can laugh all day and giggle,
talk for hours on the phone
You can cuddle him for ages
Once you're in the 'Timeless Zone'.
You can play each other music,
listen to Eddie Izzard on a tape,
you can retire to the chesterfield
And there physically escape.

You can take the mickey all you want,
Without the fear of hurt
You can gossip about others
And really dish the dirt.
You can get him to put shelves up
And sometimes wardrobe doors
You can make him laugh by dressing up
Impress him with your snores.

You can indulge yourselves by talking
in your own verbal shorthand,
Safely in the knowledge
no-one else can understand.
You can love him round the world,
All day long if you desire,
You can make him go blind
his arms go numb, then take him even higher.

You can send him 'Purple Ronnies'
And little hearts of blue,
You don't waste time but savour
every moment he's with you.
You never judge nor blame him
He does the same for you
You back each other to the hilt,
You know your hearts are true.

So all things being equal,
I don't think I'll complain.
Though scratching one's own itches
is really quite a pain!
I love you Mr ******,
With all my heart and soul
But when we are in public
I'll keep it under control!