Not sure how to introduce this as I don't want to ruin the ambiguity...I think I'll leave you to your interpretation, and answer any questions that come up.
He kissed my eyes awake when I was thirteen.
Epiphany hot and sweet as December,
sand light as prayers
stuck to feet, navel, hair.
The sky opened like an eye,
left me dizzy. We pocketed shells
for offerings, had our coke communion.
The beach sang with us,
the bach like an untuned guitar
full of praise. Hands warm and heavy
as sun on my back
as we collected each other’s tears.
Enough salt water to fill a horizon with faith,
to swim in its green.
We were sure the feathers that spined our feet
were left by angels,
that even the ringing song of frogs
was a repetition of his name.
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (749 comments posted) 21st February 2008 |
There are some beautiful metaphors in here. "Epiphany hot and sweet as December".
Sounds like you come from the southern hemisphere as I had to think about that one a bit. |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 21st February 2008 |
| Beautiful. |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 21st February 2008 |
Ok, I didn't want to spoil the mood. Felt like I was walking in on two lovers. Loved the phrases:'the feathers that spined our feet';'sand light as prayers'; 'The beach sang with us,
the bach like an untuned guitar
full of praise '. You can almost feel the warmth of the sun...and I'm sitting in a cold, grey Northern Hemisphere. |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 21st February 2008 |
Really liked this GK. I have my own story from this - perhaps not the one you intended - but strong all the same. I did find the last two lines a little perplexing.
I too could almost feel the sun on my back - and it's blowing wet, dark and cold up here.
Phil |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 25th February 2008 |
Thanks everyone  it's meant to be ambiguous- I became a Christian at a beach get-away with my youth group (I lived in New Zealand at the time), but I was hoping to tie it in with sexual awakening. Not sure if it worked though. |
Bit of a cheat though !
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 25th February 2008 |
Religious references easy to get -- epiphany , prayer etc
the bach like an untuned guitar bach/beach?
But did you intend to equate the boy with God-- which appears to be the tenor of the last line , lacking the capiatal for his
I can accept your affirmation of sexual awakening , but the statement of it is not strong
Let you not consider those statements a put down -- it is a high quality poem !!
patterjack |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 26th February 2008 |
Don't worry about put-downs PJ, I don't claim to be an expert at this! The sexual awakening is definitely secondary to the religious awakening- I wrote the poem intending the focus to be religion, but then found another meaning could be read into it. I wanted to allow for that interpretation because I'm a big fan of ambiguity, but I find the idea of equating a boy with god frankly disturbing. The lack of a capital letter for the "his" was a tricky decision, but as I'm no longer religious it seemed appropriate. In the end it's meant to be a poem about growing up.
P.S- bach is the New Zealand term for a house used for holidays- should have mentioned that. |
In my best Kiwi terms ...
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 26th February 2008 |
...Bugger !!!!
I know what a bach is ( learned it about two years ago from another Kiwi ! ) but the music referenerence in close proximity floozled me completely bringing in Bach 
We pronounce it and probably spell it , as batch , which may by a false etymology be related to batchelor establishment
And the more I read the poem the better I like it ! And its ambiguity .
patterjack |
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