I wish I didn't remember how it had happened, but I remember it all too well. I didn't expect anything like this to happen. I just stepped on the gas a little harder.

Then I closed my eyes.

"Can you hear me sir? Can you feel this?"

I opened my eyes and looked to my right. The man squeezing my hand was upside down. I gained focus and lost the double vision. His once distant voice became closer and clearer. He squeezed again, a little harder this time. It was around this point when I realised that the man, dressed all in green, was not the one who was upside down.

"Can you feel this sir?"

"What's happened?" I mumbled whilst trying to catch a glimpse of what was going on beyond the man. Apart from a few flashing lights, there was nothing.

"What is your name?" he asked. I felt myself drifting off again, certainly didn't have the energy to answer. "I need you to tell me your name sir?"

"I can't feel my feet at all." I responded whilst trying to squeeze his hand back. I was thankful that I could at least feel something with my hand. "In fact, I can't feel my legs either."

"Are you in any pain at all? Tell me where it hurts." I stopped to think. No, I can't feel any pain. I feel a little drowsy, but certainly not in any pain. I shook my head and subsequently felt the relief of not having any pains in the neck area. I was too afraid to move much more in order to inspect myself further. By the look on the young paramedic's face though, it wasn't good.

"I need you to keep talking to me sir. What is your name?"

"Liam Rafferty. Tell me what happened, please?" He looked behind him, as if looking for clearance to break the news to me. I couldn't see anyone else there. I could feel my heart rate increasing. "Tell me."

"We are not entirely sure Liam. There is no other vehicle involved. Your car has turned over and collided with the bridge."

"Bridge?"

"Yeah, we are half way across the bridge. I suppose you are lucky in that you didn't go over the edge."

"Am I really lucky doc? I mean, be honest, how bad is it?" The feeling I was experiencing was bizarre. My heart rate was still crazy, but the lethargy was taking over. My head was starting to feel quite weighty. The paramedic let out the all telling sigh.

"The doctors have to make a choice sir. It looks like the structure of the bridge has started to collapse due to the contact with your vehicle. It's safe to say that you have broken both of your legs. We need to get you out of the car, but-"

The medic stood up and left me, I heard someone call him in the distance but failed to catch the name shouted. I could only wait for him to return. I couldn't even hear the slightest sound from their conversation. The only thing I could see was flashing lights. The only thing I could hear was the flowing of water. My God, I could hear the river below me. My car was hanging off the bridge. The river was calling me in as the doctors whispered. There was nothing they could do; the structure of the bridge has started to collapse.

I began to declare the moments my last. A thousand thoughts crossed my mind. What are to be my last words? Do I need to get a last message out to anyone? Of course, I needed to get a message to my daughter. I need to tell her that I love her and that she is the most important thing in my life.

Another thought crossed my mind. Since when has there ever been a bridge close to where I live?

I was feeling drowsy again. I was starting to fade when a new face appeared. It was female, and quite attractive. She looked at me with concerned eyes and started to speak. The mouth moved but no words came out. She smiled and reached across to touch my face. I knew what she wanted me to do, so I did it.

I closed my eyes.

So why was I spared that Wednesday night? The odds were stacked firmly against me. I was on the line between life and death. In those last moments, I could literally feel the life fading away from me. I had resigned myself to never seeing my daughter again. I thought I had held her for the last time. Contrary to the myth, my life had not flashed before my eyes. Instead, I had taken the time to think of the life that I thought was never to be.

"Good morning." said the warm familiar voice of my only daughter.

"Denise?"

"Hi Dad, what have you got yourself into this time?" I fully opened my eyes and saw the smiling faces of Denise and her newlywed husband Peter. A tear was running down her cheek, which I felt compelled to reach out and wipe away. I quickly pulled back as I came aware of both the pain in my right shoulder and the amount of wires protruding from various angles.

"Keep still." She said. "We have called a doctor in now that you are awake. You have been out of it for about sixteen hours."

I collapsed back into the pillows and exhaled. "You have no Idea how glad I am to see you. I thought I was finished, I really did." She was nodding whilst she sniffed back her tears.

"So did they." She sobbed. "So did we. I didn't know what I was going to do. I can't live without you Dad." Peter reached around and squeezed her shoulder. I gave him a slight nod of gratitude.

"Bet you were planning what to do with the inheritance." I said with the grating voice that 16 hours of stupor had left me with. The room fell into uncomfortable silence. I decided to get it over with.

"Never going to walk again, am I?" I asked with my best attempt at a smile. The sight of Denise's face had my bottom lip quivering. She dropped her chin to her chest and started to slowly shake her head. Even Peter, a real man's man, was struggling to remain composed. Not a good sign. "What else is wrong?"

Denise bolted out of the room; I didn't quite catch what she had said. Peter quickly followed. The situation reminded me of being back in the car, when the paramedic had disappeared on me. At least time I was the right way up.

I had no idea what else could be wrong, but new there was something, and it had to be fairly serious. I wanted Denise to come back, I couldn't hear her talking. I tried to call her but set myself off into a coughing frenzy.

"Mr Rafferty. Mr Rafferty calm down please." The doctor walked in to the room and placed and oxygen mask over my face. She held a hand firmly to my chest to stop my body from moving so much. Her soft Irish voice repeatedly asked me to be calm. Gradually, I regained my breathing rhythm and looked at the lady. She was staring to my eyes with deep concentration.

"Don't do that again ok?" She insisted. "You need to stay calm and keep as still as possible." She removed the mask and started assessing the wires around me.

"Shame really, I was planning on taking a walk in a little while." I responded. She ignored the comments and picked up a file from the table beside the bed. "Just what exactly happened to me last night?" She looked up from the folder.

"You must have fallen asleep at the wheel; does that sound likely to you?" I nodded and waited for more. "The conclusion is that your car struck the central reservation and quite a speed. Your car has turned over in the momentum and collided with the side edging to the bridge having slid for a good twenty meters or so. You are so lucky to be alive you know." She placed the folder back on the table and set off towards the door.

"I want to say thanks doctor." I called. She turned and looked at me with lowered eyebrows.

"What for Mr Rafferty?"

"You know, last night. It was strange, but when you appeared I suddenly felt calm. It was as if I new you were going to get me out of that car." 

"But I wasn't there." She said as she left the room.

Nothing seemed to make sense. I had crashed into a bridge, despite not living anywhere near one and had been attended to by someone that I was yet to have met. I started to wonder if I had actually died and come back somehow. Is that possible?

Peter walked back into the room and stood directly beside me.

"Do you really not know what else is wrong?" He asked, with a firm voice. I twisted my neck as much as possible to look him in the face. "I can only imagine that you have suffered some brief amnesia, what with all that has gone on. Allow me to refresh your memory."

It was then that he held it out in front of me. It was short and brought all of the memories back. It was my note, my suicide note. Suddenly I remembered it and regretted it all at once. Sometimes it takes something serious to make people realise just how precious their lives are, it certainly did for me.

Denise walked back into the room and stood beside her husband. I looked at them both and saw the future that I had once considered doomed. I saw family functions and Grandchildren. I saw what I could have missed.

I felt an indescribable shame.

I closed my eyes.