Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Your Integral C
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1346 guests online and 7 members online
Poetry
Your Integral C
By NathanRoberts
21 February 2008
I'm watching them argue
and I love watching you.
You like to stay variable
open, diffuse.

Yeah, you sometimes fence sit,
but you're aware that you do.
Not afraid of uncertainty clouding a view,

you say,'when you're lighter
you can see beyond sides'

I reckon that's cool and uncommonly wise ;)

Where many are fighting for a or for b
you look for a balance, an integral c.

You see fields with horizons adrift on a mast,
not close-ups of mud and black or white casts.

You stay open for options and calming resolve,
you mix novel solutions with wisdoms of old.

Their 'facts' are so blatant, your truth is discrete
(I love that it's abstract, not literal/concrete).
 
Sure, 'things' can seem solid and we have to decide,
when left is the right and day becomes night,
but life is a process beyond you and me
there isn't a boundary afloat on this sea
where the freedom's your bravery, the heart to concede
and your whole is a part and the part is complete.

Reviews

Written by emma777 (22 comments posted) 25th February 2008
my favourite bits are the first 4 lines, and i love the 'close-ups of mud and black or white casts' but 'close-ups of mud or black and white casts' woulda worked a little better maybe? 
 
it does strike me a bit like too much of the same, though it's done well, i like what you are trying to do (with skill) in the last section but it is a little awkward in places (when left is the right and day becomes night), I don't think you quite get the meaning across in the way you aim for.

Written by emma777 (22 comments posted) 25th February 2008
my favourite bits are the first 4 lines, and i love the 'close-ups of mud and black or white casts' but 'close-ups of mud or black and white casts' woulda worked a little better maybe? 
 
it does strike me a bit like too much of the same, though it's done well, i like what you are trying to do (with skill) in the last section but it is a little awkward in places (when left is the right and day becomes night), I don't think you quite get the meaning across in the way you aim for.

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 25th February 2008
Thanks Emma. Yes, you're right it does seem a bit repetitive.  
 
Ref: the meaning...you didn't say what you thought it meant or what you thought I was aiming for so I can't really comment.  
 
After a week or so reflection I'm no longer 'chuffed' with this one...but in my defence, I hadn't actually read any poetry until last week (well, not for a very long time anyway), so I'm on a steep learning curve...hopefully moving up ;)
 
Cheers.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item