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Rainfalling, Love Story - Chapter 1 "Rainy Day" [Morning]
By rainfall_love
21 February 2008
 @_@ Forgive me, I'm new. There are many sections to put the story under and I checked out all of them. It's hard to pick between Drama and Comedy really. Well actually it would be best suited under Drama, however I don't want the 5000 words limit. And I like to add a bit of nonsense in my work, so I hope you like it.

 For the usual comedy readers though, this isn't your usual gag I suppose, but I hope you laugh and enjoy it anyway! And it comes with pictures too! <3

 By the way, for all the public readers out there, the story, drawings/art, and characters are copyrighted and belong to me. Don't immitate or redistribute without permission. :3 However, I don't own Mc Donalds and the pictures for the banner are stock photos from stock.xchng! One is "Pink Fowers" by pzado and the other is "Silence" by TouTouke.
 They have really nice photos so go check them out!


Last note about the story is that this "{ ... }" is used to indicate "thought". A character would be saying something in his/her mind.


 And without further ado, here's the story!


enjoy the story

 



On a Rainy Day... [Morning]





{ It was almost past the beginning of the new school year. Around mid-September. It was a rainy day today. The rain kept pouring nonstop. It seemed like it would last the entire day. But for some reason, I felt like something good would happen today. }





“Edwin! Edwin, are you up yet? It's time to get ready for school!” yelled a woman from behind the newly white-painted door. “I'm awake, I'll be down in a few..” said Edwin. The woman replied, “You're such a good son! I didn't even have to come to wake you it seems. Well all right, come down stairs when you're done for breakfast, dear.”. “Yes, mother..” Her footsteps could be heard walking down the stairs further from the door. Edwin let out a sigh and looked towards his closet unhappily and dull.

   He got up wearing his plain white pajamas and wearily dragged himself to the closet. He looked towards his full view mirror that was beside him to his left. Edwin was a boy of average height, not too tall and not too short. He had messy but neatly brushed hair that shined like snow. His eyesight wasn't perfect, but he could see well enough without his glasses. His eyes were gray like a cloudy sky.

As he stared at himself in the mirror, he noticed his eyes had huge bags under them. And so, he muttered.. “I didn't get enough sleep again...” He let out a yawn followed by a flexible stretch from his toes up to his arms. He let out a sigh once again and laid his uniform onto his bed. He then grabbed a towel and marched into his own private bathroom north of him that stood to the left of his closet.






 

“Ooooh!! I can't be late! I can't be late!!!” yelled a girl with long flowing navy blue hair that streamed like a deep dark ocean. Her eyes were of the same color, just slightly brighter. She had a pale purple ribbon tied around her hair that formed it into a high ponytail. Her most distinguishing asset were two bamboo swords she had held onto her waist with a belt.

She pedaled on her red bike as hard as she could, gliding all over the pavements on the streets like she was a falcon. She didn't bring a rain coat or umbrella with her and she was being hammered down hard by the heavy rain while trying to maintain control on the slippery streets. Just by looking at her face, you could tell she has been through a lot of strain.




“First day of school! No way in the land of comic books I'm gonna be late!!” she yelled out as people were staring at her in amazement while she flew past them in such speed. “Excuse me! Out of the way! MOVE!!” she screamed. “Pardon me, old man!” she said as she closely dodged running a sturdy old man with a wooden cane over. The man moved out of the way seeming unphased by the whole event. He stared as the young girl drove down the road, quickly vanishing from view.






“Edwin! Here, sit down!” His mother pulled out a chair for her son to sit in. He was wearing his glasses as his mother instructed him to do so for safety of getting lost or hurt. His mother was a bit paranoid about his security.




   He annoyingly, but politely, spoke to his mother. “You don't have to do that, mother-” “Hush now! Nothing is too good for my son!” She smiled at him sincerely and he replied with an unchanged expression. She went to the kitchen quickly and brought out many plates of food and set them before Edwin on the table. “Why do you do this? Isn't this what the maids and servants were hired to do?” he said slightly concerned. “Now, Edwin, it's good to be self-reliant. If I have hands and arms and the time to bring food to you then why not?” she replied again with a fulfilled smile. Edwin grunted trying to hide his disdain about the whole idea from his mother.


   Pretty soon, he heard footsteps thumping down the stairs towards him. Three relatives rushed towards the table grabbing seats and yelling. “Food! Food!! I'm sooo hungry!!” “You ate like a pig last night, Blaine..” “We have pancakes this morning...”


   Edwin sighed looking at his family members and began eating his food. From left to right, the one complaining about food was Blaine. He is obviously taller than Edwin and he's 1 year older. He had silver hair as well, but slightly grayer. It was short and straight and dangled over his face and around his neck. His body was slinky but his muscles shown through his school shirt. His dark brown eyes were squinted trying to avoid the mess of food flying all over his face from his plate. He continued engulfing himself on bacon, potatoes, and eggs.



 

   The one scolding him and staring in disgust was the sister, Liena. She was properly groomed from head to toe. She is 1 yr older than Blaine. Her eyes were glowing a bright brown and her waves of gray hair glistened. “Bleah.. I'm never sitting next to you while eating again!” she yelled in frustration while keeping her feminine soft voice at a proper speaking level. She did her best to ignore her brother and politely dined on her scrambled eggs wrapped in vegetables with a side of ketchup.




   And the last one that said nothing but ate his pancakes with a glum face was Raid. His gray hair flopped over his eyes but it was very short and neatly cut in the back like Edwin's. This one was 1 yr older than Liena. He dined without problem on his plate of highly buttered pancakes with pieces of cut and neatly plated strawberries, drizzled in strawberry syrup.




 

“Mother, did you do the cooking again today?” said Liena after decently swallowing the small portion of food in her mouth. “Mfyah, it goo.” muffled Blaine as bits and pieces of food flew out of his mouth. “EW! You pig!! Don't spit your germs onto others! We don't want your disease!” yelled out Liena, slightly letting go of her usual etiquette in speech. “Fwahh???” muffled Blaine again, but this time towards Liena. “Oh I can't take this anymore.” She slammed her hands onto the table to push herself off her chair quickly and furiously, rattling everyone. “I am so out of here! I'll buy breakfast on my way to school.” she said completely pissed off but retaining her usual tone of voice. She pushed her chair in and grabbed her school bag preparing to leave. “Liena, it's not good to waste food. Are you sure you don't want to stay and finish eating first?” her mother spoke shyly and worried. “Are you kidding?! His germs are all over the table! You already have a stupid son, you want a stupid daughter too?!” she said looking back at her mother with anger. Blaine swallowed the rest of his portion and looked up at Liena. “Sorry, I didn't know stupid was contagious. Too bad I might've used your toothbrush today.” “YOU WHAT?!” yelled Liena no longer holding herself back. “Careful, Liena! Making angry faces like that causes wrinkles! Heh heh heh..” Blaine said with a smirk and giggling happily. Liena became so angry that she formed her right hand into a fist preparing to knock the smarts right out of her brother.



“That's enough, you two. Liena, apologize for yelling in mother's presence and go to school. You too, Blaine.” spoke the usually silent Raid. Everyone looked at him surprised. “W-wha? Since when were you boss?” said Blaine waving his fork at Raid. “Y-yeah, don't tell me what to do. But, I guess you're right.” She swallowed a bit of her pride and faced her mother. “I'm sorry about what I said, mother. I.. didn't mean it. I'll be leaving for school now.” Her mother's face moved from worrisome to joyful. “Yes, it's all right. Enjoy your day at school, Liena.” Blaine stared at Liena as she straightened out her back and lifted her head high. She took a deep breath and with her school bag, she marched out the huge wooden doors to head for school. “Blaine..” Raid quickly called as he turned to look at him. “All right, all right!! I'm sorry okay! But the food was really good, mom!” he said happily. His mother grew even more cheerful and helped Blaine out of his seat. She cleaned off the food from his face with a handkerchief and shook him playfully by the arms to straighten him out. “It's all right, Blaine. I know you meant well. And I'm very glad you liked your breakfast. So anytime you want me to cook for you, just ask okay?” “Yes, mom.” Blaine shyly replied. “Okay, now give me a hug and go to school. I'll see you later on today.” the mother said as she left her arms open wide to welcome the hug. Blaine felt a bit embarrassed but he hugged his mom anyway with a smile. He then turned and ran out the door to go to school.



“Thank you for earlier, Raid. So will you be heading off now as well?” she said while smiling at Raid with his finished plate. “No, I think I'll stay a little longer..” he grabbed Liena's unfinished plate of scrambled eggs and began eating. The mother looked slightly surprised but it quickly turned into a thankful smile. Edwin glared sickly at Raid eating and stood up, leaving his plate slightly unfinished. “Oh, Edwin, dear, you're done?” the mother spoke curiously towards Edwin. “Yes, I'm full. I have to head for school now. If you don't want to throw it away, you could always let Raid finish it for me.” he said politely but cruelly not looking at either of them. Raid paused from his eating for a moment and watched as Edwin strode out the kitchen without saying goodbye. “Do you think I did something wrong, Raid?” the mother spoke with her head down in a guilty manner. “...... Dunno.” he reverted to eating his food like nothing happened.







   As it was still pouring heavily outside, the students rushed into the school, Edwin among them. Everyone waited in the gym for classes to start so they could go up to their classes and start the day. The teachers were still up stairs enjoying their coffee and McDonald breakfasts. The students brought in some bagels with butter or bagels slabbed with cream cheese accompanied by hot chocolates all around. Some could be seen eating egg sandwiches or donuts and other pastries instead. Edwin moved towards the wooden tables hiding near the back. This section of the gymnasium is usually where the elementary kids stayed or where the students hung out in the afterschool program the school ran. This is Edwin's first semester of high school. This school, called “Raindale School”, ran from 5th grade through the entire high school semesters. So you could imagine how large the school grounds were and all the students and teachers that were piled in with it. It was common for someone who spent years here not to recognize or know someone, even if they were in your class.

 

   Edwin took off his soaked brown hooded leather coat and laid it atop the bench table. He sat down next to it and took out a soft piece of cloth from his left pocket. He lowered his head down so low that no one could see his face. He removed his glasses and cleaned it off, wiping all the water from it until it was dry. He then put the glasses over his eyes and tilted his head up to look if he could see better. He nudged it slightly to fix it onto his face. He then put his cloth back into his pocket. But as he was doing so, he heard a few students walking towards him.




 

“Hey! Class prez! How's it goin'?!” a young boy with a sloppily dressed uniform shouted cheerfully. “Fine, thank you..” said Edwin trying to force a polite and decent smile from himself. “Hey, leave him alone. Have more respect for our president, you dweeb..” spoke a pretty but tough young girl standing behind the young man. “Ahh, Rena.. I was just saying hi. Can't you be a little more nice to me? It'd make you look cuter if you did that.” “Shut up, Tapa! You're so stupid, honestly. Why would I need or even WANT you to think I'm cute?” “Are you saying you're not interested?” She replied to that smart remark with a glare that showed anger mainly from her very deep red eyes. “Ah, okay, I take it back! Geez...” he said quickly while motioning with his hands for her to stay back. She took a deep breath and returned her attention to Edwin who was staring at them like an innocent bystander. She smiled happily.




“Anyway, it's raining real hard out there, Edwin. All you have is that jacket?” “Yes. I didn't want to burden my hands holding an umbrella.” he said with an unchanged and dull voice with a matching face. “Oh... well.. okay! But hey, if it gets worse out there, a jacket might not be good enough you know..” She removed her hands from behind her back and showed a red umbrella. “Here! Take this with you okay?” He looked at it a bit surprised, but not so much so that you would really notice. He looked up at her and said, “It's all right, I don't think I'll be needing it.” “uh-No! Please take it!!” The color of her face began to match her vibrant red hair. She nervously awaited for Edwin to take the umbrella. “Just take the d*** thing, for crying out loud..” “TAPA!!!” she quickly yelled to scold him as he flinched at her voice piercing his ears harshly. “No, he's right.” Edwin softly replied. He stood up and Rena moved one step back. Her face turned red again as he moved towards her. He put one hand out in the open to accept the gift. “Thank you, Rena.” She couldn't believe her eyes nor her ears! He was the infamous class president of class 1-A. He represented the entire school, he's popular and everyone knows him, and most of all, he had never accepted a present from any of the many girls who offered him. “Th-thank you!!!” Tapa looked ill as he saw her make a fool of herself because of Edwin. He grabbed the umbrella that was glued to her stiff hands with a bit of struggle and then put it in the hand of Edwin. “Well, there ya' go, class prez.”



   The bell rang as the teachers finally came to the gym to gather their students, but suddenly, without warning..


*B A N G!!!!!!*


   Everyone who heard it throughout the gym and corresponding corridors jumped and many let out a yelp or a scream. The large, crashing noise came from outside the locked doors to the gym. Edwin curiously put on his jacket. All the students made a riot, excited by the loud burst of noise, laughing at the yelps and screams made by both the students and the teachers. The teachers tried hard to calm everyone down, but they were failing miserably. Edwin carried his schoolbag and went over to the door. As class president and school representative, he was given access to all the keys to the common doors on school grounds. He rummaged through his bag and plucked out a large set of keys. He left his bag behind him on the floor and opened the lock on the door. Finally, after putting the large set of keys in his coat's pocket, he grabbed both handles and quickly pulled the door open.




   As the rain rushed its way into the gym with harsh cold winds he heard a slight moan from beneath him. When he looked down he saw a girl. She was injured with blood rushing with the rain from the scrape on her knee. She was massaging her leg as he noticed her dented bike on the floor with its wheels still spinning. His attention returned back to her.




“Ow ow ow ow ow owww..”

“.......” Edwin said nothing as he stared.

“Hey, I'm new here! Sorry for the crash. Did I make it to school on time?” she cheerfully said, looking up at Edwin with determination in her eyes.

“Just barely, I suppose...” he said in his usual dull manor.

“um.. heh heh... I'm in a lot of pain right now...” she spoke nervously.

“I think I can detail that much..” he replied in the same tone.

“Ooooh, and you aren't gonna help the pretty girl up, huh? Pretty rude.” she slyly said as if she were dissed while avoiding eye contact from him.



   Edwin let out a sigh and gave her his hand. She grabbed it and allowed him to pull her up off the floor. As she stood, she felt a surging pain through her right leg that was still bleeding and her right arm. She didn't seem to notice but Edwin saw all the cuts and bruises on the palms of both her hands. The teachers rushed over to Edwin's side to see what happened. One of the teachers replied in shock, “Goodness gracious-! What happened here?!” “It's all right, this student seemed to have crashed into the door with her bike. I will escort her to the nurse's office. In the mean time, could you send one of the students to park her bike in the gym?” replied Edwin. “um.. yes, I will. But it's best you go to class now with the other students. You have to be there to take attendance.” the teacher replied. “Ah-no! Wait! Attendance?! Can I go to class first for that! I don't want to be signed as absent or late!!!” the young girl said filled with worry. “My, you're quite the diligent student aren't you! I'll take care of the attendance, let's just get you to the nurse first.” the teacher replied kindly as she brought the two of them inside the gym and closed the doors to keep the rain out. Many students stared at the bleeding girl and began passing murmurs and comments all around. The teachers hushed them and took all the students up to their corresponding classes.




   It wasn't until now that she took a good look at the teacher. She was an old woman with a small pair of glasses that looked like two attached spectacles. Her back was bended and crouched over. With her warm smile, she matched the exact image of a strong and healthy, but kind, grandma. Edwin nudged his glasses with his finger to fix it on his face as he spoke. “I'll be taking my leave then.” He turned around and left without saying another word. Ignoring him, the young girl looked up at the teacher.


“Oh, by the way, what's your name, granny?” :D

she said happily and holding onto the arm of the old woman for support and to show that she didn't mean any insult. The teacher giggled. “You can refer to me as 'Mrs.Marien'. I am the science teacher for the 5th grade. And what is your name, Miss?” she asked. “Oh! My name is..”








   Edwin opened the door of the classroom, disrupting the teacher's attempt at calming the students down about the event from earlier. He walked past the teacher's desk and opened the large wooden closet that was filled with hooks for jackets and bags, storage spaces, and even a hold for shoes. There was a large aisle-like hallway that strode far down. He went all the way to the back and hung his coat. He took the large set of keys out of his coat pocket and attached its chain to his belt on his right side. Dragging himself wearily, his face grew grimmer and grimmer as he heard the loud shouts by the teacher and the insults being thrown back at him by the common group of class clowns. He put his school bag on the floor to the right of his desk. One of the students stood up and went over to his desk with a light stack of blue papers. “Here, Edwin. This is the sheet for attendance.” the young girl spoke politely.




   Her hair was golden and reached down her back. She had various accessories of jewelery like a bracelet on her left hand and a matching mood ring on her right even though wearing such things in school was forbidden. She had a thin necklace made of real gold hanging around her neck that was hidden under her blouse. But you could tell she was wearing one because she left the top of her blouse slightly opened. Her eyes glowed like gold as well. She smiled at Edwin, remarking his messy wet hair. He noticed that and flinched a little. “mm.. Thank you for this morning's attendance, Sumari..” he replied no longer paying much attention to her. “You're welcome, Edwin. And hey, don't forget to tell me about what happened earlier.” She made a quick wink and went back to her seat which was in the center of the 3rd vertical aisle in the classroom a few chairs behind him. Many of the students had their attention on her. She's the most popular girl in school and she has upheld that reputation ever since Pre-K. But she wasn't just beautiful, she's one of the smartest girls in school. So by direct orders from the principal she was declared as a secondary representative for the school. She also has the title of “Vice Class President”.



   The teacher let out a sigh after promising the class clowns an extra set of homework. He's a thin man who's quite good looking which caused many of the students to look down on him a bit. He had dark brown neatly cut and properly combed hair with a soft voice. His eyes are usually widely opened, but this morning, as with every morning, his eyes were dull, groggy, and had a full set of bags. His eye color is a slight evergreen. He straightened himself out and wrote his name on the upper left portion of the board. He cleared his throat and began to speak...


“Okay, now that the dilemma is out of the way, I'll confirm to all of you that we have a new student joining our class today.. She was due for class 1-B, but the new principal decided to move her into our class. Please do your best to make her feel welcome.” the teacher sighed again like it took all of his energy just to say that short speech.


“So it's a 'her', 'ey? I'll make sure to make her feel very welcome! If she's hott..” said one of the clowns. He was one of the cutest boys in school and many of the girls thought he was a haughty. He had black hair with pitch black eyes to match. The top of his shirt was half way open, completely revealing his white sleeveless undershirt.




 

   The teacher slammed his desk so hard it shook the room. “QUIET! NOT ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU!!!” he yelled. Looking at this scene reminded Edwin of the mess at the dining table during breakfast this morning. “If you talk again your getting 2X the homework!! You hear me?!” the teacher yelled once again. “Yeah, yeah, so hey, is she hott?” the student replied without care. The teacher grew furious and the students did their best to hold back their laughter out of pity from the scolding the teacher was about to give him. “All right, that's 2X the homework, mister!!! If you don't get it done, you'll be left back this semester, you got it?” “Hey, hey, hey! You want me in your class for another year?! I'm touched, y'know!” The students let out their burst of laughter, no longer able to contain themselves. “Oi.. someone spare me.” the teacher said in frustration and distress as he whacked his hand to his face. His hand dragged off, returning to its position on the table. He called for Edwin to stand and take attendance. Edwin himself had let out a tiresome sigh and dragged himself to the front of the room and, without glaring up at the students even once, he began to call names.


“Aarin Dread?” “Here..” he replied dully. “Abitha Burghan?” “Here!” she replied while fixing her glasses. In alphabetical order, he continued calling out names and recording who was here and who was absent. No one was late today. As he was about to close the papers and return to his seat now that he was done, a loud “THUD” was heard from behind the classroom door, startling the teacher and his students.



“Owwww.. that hurt...” a young girl spoke. Edwin found that voice familiar. He went to the door and opened it, seeing the student from before. A frown stuck to his face. “Ow..huh? Oh! Hey! It's you! I guess I'm in the right classroom then!” she spoke cheerfully as usual. “Hm? Ah, I see. You must be the new student. Welcome to our class!” the teacher kindly said as he leaned over to see who was hiding behind Edwin at the door. “Come in and introduce yourself to everyone.” As he said that, the other students, including the clown from before, leaned over their desks to see who the new student was.




 

   She marched over to the front of the classroom, standing next to the teacher's desk to the right. Everyone, including Edwin and the teacher, positioned themselves in their chairs and the clown seemed quite pleased as he stared at her. “My name is Leyla Kaiden! I like fighting and reading manga!” she shouted diligently while covered in bandages and bruises.



 


“So you like fighting huh? My name is Kuro but the hotties call me 'Kurota'. And you qualify as a hottie. Let's hangout! <3” The teacher grew into a fury. “That's 4X the homework! Wanna make it 20?” he replied. “Huh? How can you jump from 4 to 20?!” Kuro answered in distress of noticing all the homework he piled up. “I can always make it 30, be glad it's only 4 right now.” The teacher looked towards Leyla.




 

“It's nice to meet you, Leyla. I'm your homeroom teacher for this semester. You can refer to me as Mr. Skent.” he said joyfully to keep her from being afraid. “Nice to meet you! Where do you want me to sit, Mr. Skent?” she replied. “Hm, well, you're new to the neighborhood and the school right? There are few seats left. Let's see.. since the principal informed me you'll be in this class because of your acquaintance with Edwin, you can sit in the empty seat to the right of him.” Letting out a burst of joy, she squealed “Oooooh! That's one seat away from the window!!! Thank you, Mr. Skent!” The teacher didn't get why she was so happy over a little thing like that or why she's so full of energy this glum, rainy morning. But he played along and smiled.


   She happily sat in her seat and stared directly at Edwin continuously, catching everyone's attention. Edwin frowned and sent her a glare hoping she would stop. To his dismay, it didn't work. He avoided eye contact to pretend she didn't exist. Mr. Skent faced Edwin. “Edwin, you're class president and school representative, since she's in our class, please show her around the school and teach her our ways. Speaking of, would you mind introducing yourself to her?” Edwin grunted. “Of course not.” {LIE!} he immediately said in his thoughts as he stood up from his chair and faced Leyla who had a freakish grin on her face.




 

“.....” He took a deep breath and began to speak. “I am Edwin Mana. I'm class president and school representative. By record, this has been my status since 6th grade. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me or the Vice Class President and Representative, Sumari Vendescot.” Sumari stood up from her seat and waved at the newcomer. Leyla stared curiously. “Oh! I'll help you too if you need anything! I'm Rena Evers! Nice to meet you!” Rena said happily as she stood up to greet herself. “Don't ask me anything I don't know JACK...” said Tapa sitting directly diagonal to the back right of Rena in the semi-last row of the classroom. Some of the students giggled hysterically. “Tapa! Keep your mouth shut!!” she said angrily while looking at him.




 

“Nice to meet you Rena and Tapa and Sumari!” Leyla replied joyfully. “Hey, what about me?” Kuro replied in need of attention.


   But soon before anyone could reply, the intercom made a loud buzzing noise throughout the classrooms and everyone paused what they were doing to hear it. Everyone returned to their seat along with Edwin who noticed Leyla staring at him again.




 




   In the principal's office sat the principal, secretary, and vice principal. The secretary was a rigid old woman with a bit of weight on her feet. She sat in a chair to the front left, facing the principal's desk. The vice principal was a strict young woman with a fancy pair of glasses. Her short brown hair dangled over her shoulders. She was well-dressed with a proper office-suit and black high-heel shoes. Holding a large book and a stack of papers, she awaited for the principal to address the students. As for the principal himself, he had shaggy waved black hair that hung around his neck. His eyes were a crystal sky blue. Rumor has it that he dyed his hair black. He smirked and began his speech to the students.




 

“Ahem.. Good morning, students of Rivendale. I am your principal, 'Nate Rivendale'. The old principal kicked the bucket-ah-I mean he went into a bit of a retirement and passed the school unto me. I see most of you, including the teachers, are a bit glum today because of the heavy rainfall. Don't be a party-wrecker! School days with heavy rain are fun! So WAKEY-WAKEY!!!!!!” He shouted. The noise echoed all through the school causing students and teachers alike to moan in pain. “That gets 'em every time. Anyway, in our well famed Class 1-A of our Freshmen class, we have a brand new exchange student! Her name is Leyla Kaiden. Please be sure to greet her politely. Mr. Skent, be sure to give her a name tag and have her wear it for the first few days on her uniform. That's all, enjoy the rest of your day. I'm not sure if I really mean that so don't ask..” The intercom turned off leaving an expression of shock on everyone's faces including Edwin's.


“wooooooh! Our principal is awesome!!” Leyla said freely, causing everyone to stare at her confusingly. Edwin massaged his forehead as he muttered “This is going to be a long semester...”




 

“uh.. Yes.. Well.. the bell is about to ring, get ready to start Science today.” Mr.Skent replied.















To Be Continued in “Rainfalling, Love Story Chapter 2, Rainy Day Part2 [Midday]”








(Thank you for reading Rainfalling, Love Story.

Please send comments, thought, and/or suggestions.

I hope you enjoyed the story and that you look forward to the next chapter.)



P.S. - There will be pictures next time too!

Reviews
Brilliant Drawings
Written by BedtimeStoryteller (105 comments posted) 25th February 2008
I think your drawings are brilliant - but your writing, I’m less enthusiastic about. Firstly, I’d drop the brackets around thought – not necessary. Fist paragraph: sentences too short and clipped, plus, too many days and todays. Second paragraph: it’s usual to start a new paragraph when a different person speaks, also, some incorrect punctuation – mostly missing commas. Reading on: there’s a simplicity to the writing that suggests it’s written for children, and I like that, but there’s too much fine detail, e.g. the mirror to his left, the bathroom to the north. There are other problems, like going from past to present tense and back again, and using numbers, i.e. 1 instead of one. 
 
Sorry to be so hard on you after you have done so much work, but I’m only trying to help. Can I interest you in doing some drawings for my children’s stories? 
 
Ian 

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