Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Proselyte's Progress
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1786 guests online and 2 members online
Poetry
Proselyte's Progress
By patterjack
22 February 2008






Yahweh trudged in the desert dust behind his patient beasts
thinking deep blood thoughts about some future sacrifice
while dourly anticipating that some dwellers there might pay the price
to provide him with cooked altar meats for later feasts.
And such they did provide, under a covenant that would bind
with all the paraphernalia of temples, arks and tents,
developing a net of varied beliefs that stretched,  immense,
where later forced conversions spread wide to embrace mankind.

Reckoning no variant from their destined path would satisfy,                                       
and despite the schisms that grew within their own belief,                          
they took up sword and torch to ravage, kill and burn                     
with the overwhelming intent their single way to clarify                                   
no matter what other nation or tribe they brought to grief                
if it meant easy paths to the paradise they could earn.                                          


The cry was always, With us or against us,
worship our god, or you will perish thus.


Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3280 comments posted) 21st February 2008
Unfortunately that's how some people do behave. Is there any greater blasphemy though than to do the devil's job in the name of God? 
 
It's obvious that Heaven wanted different religions (including atheism) to exist, otherwise they wouldn't. 
 
It's strange that some fanatics seem to doubt the power of their own deities, for if they would believe them omnipotent, then shouldn't they also accept the world as it is? Who are they to change it or to claim knowledge of Heaven's intentions?

Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
a lot of truth in this mate, a good write. 
Bernie

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
A strange little piece, Brian. Not without merit. 
 
Religious hypocrisy is still rife even in these "enlightened" days. If there is a subtext it is over my head (not difficult). 
 
I enjoyed the poem & the suggestion by Batty that Atheism is a religion. Theology should not be given (in my opinion) the status of a science, any more than the fairytales of the Grimms or Hans (Christian) Andersen. 
 
Oli :)

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
The gift of god. Thanks for that, eh? 
 
Lots of ideas and images pinged around while I was reading this one. Careful second reading reveals some very careful word choices and combinations. Effective. Just using 'dourly' does a lot. 
 
Interesting how things like this throw up fascinating comments too. I won't comment on those. 
 
Liked a lot. 
 
Phil

Written by Veronica_Milvus (626 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
There is an awful lot of densely packed stuff in here! The idea of a minority desert faith somehow dominating a large part of world religion, almost accidentally; the rather truculent god; the fact that the more the faith schisms and alters, the more people fight to keep it "pure". 
 
I really like the style and language of this, it reminds me of a good quality History Channel programme voiceover, but it also has that feeling of matter-of-fact hopeless inevitability. 
 
A real gem.
reminds me somewhat of old testament pro
Written by mia_ms_kim (1017 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
You remind me of Isaiah (1:11-17), and Joshua (5:13,14). Both men show how often Yahweh was on a complete different page to the nation of Israel. Jewish prophets often used extreme language to denounce their own people. You are kind in comparison. eg. 
 
"The multitude of your sacrifices-- what are they to me?" says the LORD. "I have more than enough of burnt offerings... I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats... I cannot bear your evil assemblies... I am weary of bearing them..." (Isaiah) 
 
I tend to accept the concept of divine judgement. But it's interesting how that view shifts with, on which side of the stick I find myself. It's a deficit many religious people have to deal with, I think. 
 
I think you reveal that human pride is an ugly thing. And of all pride, religious pride is the ugliest, and the most dangerous. 
 
I hope you do more pieces like this, and delve deeper into it. It holds up a mirror for me at a very revealing angle, and give me greater self-understanding. 
 
Mia 
 
Positive comments ...
Written by patterjack (1193 comments posted) 23rd February 2008
.. as were these are always welcome, particularly since the poem came out of left field -- not really my sort of topic -- with quite different metrics ( though still with that accursed 14 line development !! )  
 
Special mention to Mia : I went back and read Isaiah and Joshua again ( long time no contact really ) and i see what you mean . especially with the Joshua quote, 
 
Again , thank you all

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item