Great Writing - Home > Poetry > In the end it all comes back around.
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1747 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
In the end it all comes back around.
By MariusBinx
24 February 2008

Misery was never good enough for me.
Dreaming of light turned to dust.
We've been walking.
We've been hiding.
In the shadows of perception,
Beyond the retinas,
And hidden in the corners of your eyes.
Oh, you heathen.
The voices of the catatonics
Screaming redemption.
And hell to pay.
Light the fuse on the rope from which they hang me.
I painted this target on myself.
To guide the bullets and views.
Look at me.
In these stretched out arms,
I carved "I am the mjku, the one and only."
I am the Christ, I am the God.
Let the sun shine through me.
Light born bright the holes riddled across me.
And with my brains painted back against the wall,
This is salvation that they insult and maul.
On these wrists are the ends of days.
Cut these; the trigger,
To light the bombs,
God's eyes burning alive.
Tonight, in me, all dies.

Reviews

Written by emma777 (21 comments posted) 24th February 2008
i like this... great use of images :)

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 24th February 2008
"Tonight, in me, all dies"-- 
 
Well after reading all that I'm not surprised.

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 24th February 2008
Thoroughly depressing - rather than dark - don't know if that was your intention. Some effective images and clever words, but yet to be tied together in one coherent piece. 
 
Phil

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 24th February 2008
Though it contains quite a few nice phrases and images it was pretty indecipherable for me. Or maybe I just didn't want to relate to it....too dark / woeful / ranting for this particular calm Sunday afternoon?  
 
Who/what the flip is 'mjku'?  
 
Some form of Pokemon?  
 
I tried googling it (the most promising result being that 'mjku' is a Serbian folk dance)... Perhaps it's a typo? Perhaps it's not meant to make sense? Perhaps I'm missing something that's blatantly obvious?  
 
The whole piece has a 'mad rogue preacher' feel to it, which may well be the intention...in which case..good job.

Written by MariusBinx (17 comments posted) 24th February 2008
It was the intention, Nathan. 
And to be honest, I can't find that term anymore either. I got it from a South Asian studies course, had it written down (that single line only) for about a year, and now I can't recall it. It probably was a typo and a line I'll end up cutting

Written by Veronica_Milvus (637 comments posted) 24th February 2008
"Misery was never good enough for me". Not an auspicious start! 
 
May I suggest a prescription for Prozac? 
 
And as for the mjku - don't write poetry about things you don't know the meaning of. It only leads to embarrassment when somebody asks... 
 
I would like to ask: 
 
1. Who is speaking here, i.e. what is the Point of View? 
2. What are they trying to say? (the POV wobbles between "I" and "we". 
3. Who are they talking to? 
4. What message are they trying to communicate? 
 
Apart from that, it was perfectly clear. Somebody is depressed. And we care because...???

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item