Let the demons shout their battle cries.
I shall not hear them.
Let the devils unfold their banners.
I shall not see them.
Let all evil take up their sharp swords.
I shall not feel them.
Let them cloud the sky with their arrows.
They can not harm me.
Cold streams flow down from the glaciers.
Water pours down into the valleys.
Currents mingle in the glens below.
A river seeks its way through the land.
Always downwards it flows, on and on.
Who can scare a river?
Who can frighten a stream?
Who can hurt a current?
Who can harm the water?
Let evil give up its vain pursuit,
For the war it wages is hopeless.
|
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 25th February 2008 |
So, you'd be an advocate for the water cannon then?
It sounds slightly Biblical.
Not sure about the last lines...they overstate the case maybe?
It seems to suggest that the man-made: 'banners,swords, arrows, battle cries' denote evil whilst the natural: the freeflow of water does not. Or, are you hinting at the dual nature of man? Either way, it seems a bit black and white and not really effective as a tirade against the complexities of 'evil'. |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 25th February 2008 |
Thanks Nathan.
Biblical? I intended it to sound Daoist... Although Daoists of course don't believe in good and evil, so that must have been other philosophies and religions that got in the Way (sorry, bad pun).
I realized that if one does not care so much about evil, or about fighting things one cannot fight anyhow (like demons), one might simply become invincible to them. |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 25th February 2008 |
| Uhm... Thinking too much in metaphors here. With 'demons' I mean all sorts of frustrations of course... |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 25th February 2008 |
Not Biblical - liturgical. It sounds like an Anglican church service with the priest intoning his lines and the congregation chanting theirs back -especially at the beginning.
I liked this, but didn't like the final two lines. I don't think you can just drop them - that would leave the piece dangling - I wonder if you could end on: 'I shall not....'
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 25th February 2008 |
Thanks Phil.
It's interesting that on rereading it seems indeed like that. I suppose Christianity must in some way must have had an influence, even though I intended a totally different view, but then perhaps the whole concept of 'evil' doesn't go too well with it. |
Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2366 comments posted) 26th February 2008 |
I liked the rhythm of this. I didn't get a liturgical sense when I read it, but going back now after reading Phil's thoughts, I can see what he means. But in liturgical chants, the response is always exactly the same - "Pray for Us" or whatever.
I really liked this poem and wouldn't change a word of it. |
Hi
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 26th February 2008 |
| Fledermaus, an interesting and good read, what I find interesting is the power that water as over mankind??, with the effects of global warming forecast to increse the desertfication in Africa water will of course become even more scarce most likely leading to mass migration towards Europe, war and famine on a grand scale in Africa, ?war over the source of the Litani River in Lebenon and the possible creation of a "fortress Europe" |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 26th February 2008 |
Thanks Jean and Bernie,
Jean: In those first lines I mainly tried to mimic some of the style of some ancient texts, but I fear that Nathan and Phil are right and that it sounds Christian rather than Daoist. Strange how some things keep on influencing writings...
Bernie: An interesting thought. Man can't influence water all that much (OK, OK, I do live in a country that more or less proved otherwise, but even here water is still flowing downwards...), but water does influence Man a lot. The river mentioned here was meant as a metaphor, but I like your input.  |
I really liked it..
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 27th February 2008 |
It does read a little like the poetry of the Bible, reminds me of some wisdom Psalms, perhaps Ecclesiastis. But it sounds ancient rather than Christian to me. (But then much of the Bible originates from the ancient thinking of the Hebrew people. I personally believe the Hebraic way of thinking resonates with the oriental mind.)
The concept of higher force of the universe and its ultimately irresistible course through human history, and the idea that evil really is a petty and minor annoyance that will be simply tossed aside... is a prevalent thought in the ancient teaching, I believe. So the enlightened one who sees the bigger picture can stand serene, even in the middle of strife and chaos. It puts proper perspective on life and on human.
Your description of the water is so vivid. Beautiful. I think the poem sounded religious because the last two lines read like instruction, so perhaps lost a little bit of impact. But I really liked it. I like modern minds mewling over ancient thoughts.
Mia |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 27th February 2008 |
Thanks Mia.
However ancient, such things are still relevant. I think that everyone could do with some peace and harmony, no matter what their religion is.
I'm currently reading the Lunyu and the Daodejing (in translation) and I find it interesting that two such totally different philosophies as Confucianism and Daoism could both provide very good (yet totally different) answers to the questions one might face in life. |
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