I had trouble getting this down to 100 words so I thought i would put it here for now.
They call me sprung.
I been in and out of this place so long, I know every inch of it.
I get out have some fun and wake up back in my old bunk. What can I say, the place is a shithole but I think im kind of fond of it.
The new folks they get to hear bout me sooner or later.guesss im kind of a legend round here.then they come begging, get me out sprung, I heard you can do it.
Yea I can do it, done it many times before, but I wont.take your chances without me.
Im done with all that.
The last sprung I done, that one went real bad, got real messy.
Ten guys ran that night, and I waved them off. Good guys all of them.
Only two survived it. The guards were ruthless, hunted them down like dogs, guesss I pulled one two many sprungs, shot em up real bad, I hear the families had to have closed caskets. Jay survived barly, bad damage in his head, he is still in on C block, and I hear him crying some nights.
Only old jonnie eagle got away that night, ahh Johnny, I can see him now drinking cocktails on a boat in the Bahamas. Just like that postcard.
Maybe ill join him one day. But I don't think so.im just sprung and im getting too old to change.
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Sprung? Written by idlemusings (80 comments posted) 13th October 2005 |
Hi Alij I get the concept here but is the spelling/punctuation etc intended i.e. written as an uneducated 1st person. I ask as your intro also has spelling/punctuation probs so not sure which is intended & which isn't. If spelling is intended it will still read better if sentence spacing etc is kept traditional. Have a bash at getting it to 100 words - therein lies the challenge!! Best of luck.
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Loved this Written by darrenmc (54 comments posted) 19th October 2005 |
Acually, I disagree idle. I thought the unconventional punctuation worked well, and went hand in hand with the language of the character, there's a lot of successful published stuff out there in a similar style. Charles Bukowski for instance. I found myself liking 'Sprung' , the rogue had a bit of humility. Darren |
enjoyed this Written by Leo (573 comments posted) 5th June 2006 |
| you built up a strong character with very few words. good writing |
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